Your kids will need parenting if you die, so plan ahead
No one wants to think or talk about it, but choosing someone to look after your children if you die is a vital decision.
That question hit my husband and me hard one day a few years ago when my eldest brother died of a heart attack and hadn’t left a will. He was survived by the mother of his two children. But that event, coupled with the fact that my husband’s job as a police officer takes us to some dangerous locations, made us realize we needed to prepare for anything.
My brother’s death was a horrible reminder that no one is invincible. And all of us — especially parents — need to prepare for life after our deaths. Most importantly, we need to think about whom we want to raise our kids if we’re not around.
I’d be lying if I said it was an easy decision. We narrowed the choice to two of my siblings, for geographic and practical reasons.
But asking someone to take on two extra children — even if the chances are slim that both of us would die before they are grown — is no trivial matter.
There are so many considerations, including who would look after them in a parenting style similar to your own, what would happen with their education, or even who has room in their house.
We chose the brother nearest to my parents, who could provide additional support. Fortunately, he and his wife said yes when we broached the sensitive question with them; I’m not sure what we would have done if they had said no.
Texas resident Katherine Creamer and her husband wanted to choose a family who shared their faith as guardians of their two daughters, ages six and three.
“We talked extensively, and it was a close call between a few people, but eventually we landed on some close friends whom we consider to be family,” she says.
Creamer and her husband drew up a will to include guardianship when their oldest was a baby and before the birth of their second child.
Given how hard it is to nominate your child’s guardian, I wondered what would happen if you die before making this choice, or if you had thought about it but hadn’t formalized it in a will.
Gina M. Spada, a lawyer in Illinois who works on guardianship and estate planning, says choosing a guardian is one of the most contentious issues for parents drafting a will. But even with a will, she says, it’s still up to a family court to make the decision.
“Guardianship is decided based on what’s in the best interests of the child,” Spada says. “However, without a nominated guardian, the court has no information of the parents’ wishes to consider.”
She emphasized that it’s still important to put your decision in your will. I asked her what would happen if the people you asked didn’t want to do it.
“If a person is nominated as a guardian, he or she is under no obligation to accept. It would certainly not be in the best interests of the child for the court to appoint a guardian who does not want children,” Spada says.
And what if you really can’t think of anyone to nominate, or everyone you ask says no?
“The court would try to find someone who is known to the children, but if there is really no one, they would most probably end up in foster care,” Spada says.