Get together, but keep apart
New normal means new rules for socializing
After months of quarantining and Zooming, many people are ready to socialize — even from afar — with other humans.
Warmer weather has brought a trickle of impromptu socially distant gatherings, whether driveway drinks or alley happy hours.
Apartment dwellers have sought out park benches to meet for coffee.
Faced with job losses, loneliness and the collective anxiety of a world turned upside down, many of us are getting desperate for some meaningful interaction with friends. But is it possible to party in a pandemic?
“It’s important in pandemic times to not think about ‘safe’ and ‘unsafe’ — it’s all about levels of risk,” says Donald Shaffner, professor of food microbiology at Rutgers University. “Anything you do poses a risk, whether it’s grocery shopping or going for a walk.”
But he says the safest course — not socializing at all — comes with mental health and other risks of its own.
“Maybe we’ve reached the limit of what we can do with virtual happy hours,” he says. “So we have to think about reasonable things to do.”
We’re not talking about having eight people in your dining room.
Sitting (six feet or more apart) in the backyard having an ice tea or a glass of wine with a friend is a better idea.
It might have to be BYOB and BYO food, as well as BYO everything else.
And, yes, you’ll have to decide whether wearing a mask between bites makes you feel safer.
As a host, you should communicate ground rules for guests in a way that seemed incomprehensible in the Before Times. Get ready to feel bossy.
But go easy on yourself. No one expects elegance right now.
“The rules of regular entertaining are suspended,” says textile and dinnerware designer Michael Devine, who lives in Orange, Va. “Usually, the host provides everything, and you are putting your best foot forward and making people feel welcome. You still make them feel welcome, but they bring their own drinks, food and dishes.”
If you decide you want to gather, knowing the risks, here’s what the pros say about how to do it as safely (and graciously) as you can.
THE GUEST LIST
Starting small, with one or two people, keeping it short, and staying outdoors is the most sensible way to begin. The risk of transmitting the virus is far lower outside, public health experts say, and the more people you encounter, the more risk.
Know the size limits set by your province or locality.
The number of guests should also depend on how much space you have.
Monica Theis, a senior lecturer in the department of food science at the University of Wisconsin, notes that you need to keep social distancing even as people move around.
“What’s the setup — can you really keep all guests six feet apart at all times?”
If your guests are drinking, Theis says, it might be harder to keep buffers in place. “People loosen up and they might not be able to tell six feet from four feet,” she says.
It’s harder for children to maintain social distancing, so consider making your gatherings adults-only.
If you’re a guest, don’t bring a plus-one who wasn’t invited — and stay home if you’re feeling sick.
INVITATIONS
A phone call might be better than a text or email invite. That way, you can explain what you have in mind and hear what your friends are or are not comfortable with. “From an etiquette standpoint, we are in uncharted territory,” says Mindy Lockard, founder of a Portland etiquette and leadership firm that bears her name. “But this goes back to the traditional mindset of a host or hostess: You always put the needs and comfort of your guest first.”
Theis says it’s best to be as straightforward with guests as possible about your expectations. But don’t take it personally if a friend isn’t ready to get together.
FOOD & HOW TO SERVE IT
Besides social distancing, the most important thing is to eliminate common touch points. Bryan Rafanelli, founder of Rafanelli Events, who staged events for the Obamas at the White House, says box lunches and dinners are the way to go. “You can’t just do a big buffet anymore.”
“I think the tray dinner is back,” says Devine. “You set everything up on a tray and then your guest has their own things and you don’t have to touch the tableware again.”
Takeout is perfectly acceptable. You and your friend can order and pay separately and eat together yet distant.
If you don’t want to use disposable dishes and utensils, Shaffner says, you could put out a bin for people to leave their dirty dishes in. The host can later pick it up and load the contents into the dishwasher - washing his or her hands afterward, of course.
THE BATHROOM
Ditch cloth towels in favour of disposable ones. Also put out wipes (if you have them), lots of soap and hand sanitizer. If possible, you could set up a handwashing station in your yard.
Not everyone is comfortable offering bathroom privileges. If you don’t want guests in your house, simply tell them it’s a two-hour drinks party and there’s no using the bathroom. If you are letting them inside, be explicit about the WC “rules.”
Those might be more restrictive than usual, given the potential risks. In addition to potentially being transmitted on shared surfaces, Shaffner notes that the COVID-19 virus has been known to shed in feces.
“There is a theoretical risk that if an asymptomatic person uses the toilet, it could aerosolize,” he says. “Maybe the solution is that you give people instructions: leave the lid down before you flush, wash your hands. If I was going to manage risk, that’s how I would do it.”
And don’t be embarrassed. Instead of whispering the instructions to each guest or blurting them out when everyone arrives, put a small note on the bathroom door and urge everyone to wipe down the doorknob on their way out.
Even modest gatherings in the COVID era will take lots of planning and effort, but seeing friends can ease anxiety in these very stressful days. “This is not forever. It’s just for now,” Lockard says.
It’s important in pandemic times to not think about ‘safe’ and ‘unsafe’ — it’s all about levels of risk. Anything you do poses a risk, whether it’s grocery shopping or going for a walk.”
Donald Shaffner, professor of food microbiology at Rutgers University