Children with autism facing their fears
Her mother hasn’t had a full night’s sleep in 10 years.
Ever since 9½-year-old Jacqueline Bowers was born, she’s gravitated to her parents’ bed. It was exhausting. Indeed, debilitating for everyone. Her parents felt as though they had tried everything.
Each time Jacqueline crawled into their bed, her mom, Louise, promptly escorted Jacqueline back to her own bed, only to have her return. Again and again. Repeated up to four times every night. No one was getting any sleep. Jacqueline lives with autism. And her fear of being in her own bed at night was not getting any better with typical strategies.
So, every Wednesday night for 14 weeks, her mother drove Jacqueline from their home in Oakville to St. Catharines, where they each met other parents and children in a group program to help autistic children understand and conquer their fears.
Facing Your Fears is a program for children aged eight to 12 who have been diagnosed with autism and are high functioning. It’s offered through the Phoenix Centre.
The program is tailored to the learning style of children with autism — concrete and visual, not based on theory and imagery.
Some 70 per cent of people with autism live with a mental health issue — and anxiety is the most common. And while it’s not unusual for children to live with fears, children with autism face different challenges on their journey to overcoming anxiety, says Becky Ward, child psychologist and clinical director at the Phoenix Centre.
“Their ability to learn coping strategies is compromised,” she says.
Usually, children learn by observing how their parents respond to situations. Children with autism process information differently. They perceive the world differently, too. And yet, they still have the same fundamental needs of all children — to have friends, be accepted and feel included, she says.
And yet, because their coping skills are impaired, they are more likely to act out, to have tantrums or behave inappropriately when they’re anxious and fearful, she says. They might fear uncertainty. “They can’t plan themselves out of uncertain situations,” says Ward.
Children who have participated in the program have faced fears that include not being able to finish homework, talking with peers, asking questions at school, sleeping alone, exposure to germs and diseases, and world events.
The program helps children identify their fears, develop coping strategies and then it supports them as they expose themselves to their fears, gradually, to practise their new coping skills.
Children fearful of spiders might begin by watching a video about spiders. They practise their coping strategies — perhaps deep breathing — and rate the strength of their anxiety by sliding a scale on a handheld chart. They might progress to being in the same room as a spider in jar, eventually bringing the jar closer. Perhaps even being out in the garden, looking for spiders.
“Every time you successfully face your fears, it will be easier the next time,” says Ward.
Over weeks, Jacqueline found her way to staying in her own bed at night. She learned how to replace negative thoughts with words like: I’m strong, I can do this, and This is just my worry bug. While she is lying in bed, trying to go to sleep, she shines a special light, one that projects stars and a moon onto her ceiling.
Finally, there is peace at night in their house.
“She has the confidence to know, I can overcome my fears,” says Louise.
The groups are kept small, no more than five children. And the dynamics that ebb and flow over the weeks can be empowering, says Ward.
Seven-year-old Jordan Haymes, a Fort Erie boy, came to the group because he feared talking to anyone except his own family.
He had been enrolled in other programs at the Phoenix Centre for the past year, but still, nothing worked. Outgoing and talkative at home, he remained withdrawn and silent everywhere else, says his mom, Nicole Haymes.
Indeed, there was something magical about the group of kids, how they empowered each other, to make Jordan feel comfortable enough to open up with them.
These days, he plays with other children at school and has friends over for play dates, says Nicole.
A bonus is that he also learned to sleep in his own bed, thanks in part to Jacqueline’s openness to share
her fear with her friends. One day, he announced to his mom, “I want to do it like Jacqueline.” And that, was that. Seven-year-old Annaliesa Covatta from Niagara-on-the-Lake is working to overcome a severe social anxiety. She was helped simply by attending the Facing Your Fears group.
“It helped her to overcome her fear without even knowing it,” says her mom, Simone Covatta.
At home, they began with something more manageable, a strategy that gave her a quick burst of confidence. Her fear of the basement.
Annaliesa loves animals, her pet bunny especially, says Simone.
She loves petting the bunny. Feeding the bunny. Enough, so that when her parents put its cage in the basement, she was motivated to go down there. At first, with her parents. And the, gradually, with a parent waiting on the basement stairs, then at the top, and then not at all. She worked on staying there for longer and longer on her own, says her dad, Vincent.
“She’d get down there and realize it’s OK. She could concentrate on her bunny and her mind blocked everything else out,” he says.
Her parents hope that achievement will give her more confidence to tackle her more overwhelming fears.
“That’s going to stay with Annaliesa,” says Simone. “That’s empowering. She’s learned, I can set a goal, I can achieve.”
Likewise, when 12-year-old Ian Lycett of Fonthill was so scared of dying while he slept that bedtime became consumed in crying fits he joined the group.
“I would completely overwhelm him,” says his mother, Jodi.
The strategy that works for Ian is to read in bed, breathing deeply, then listen to classical music, says Jodi.
He also worked on a fear of bees, and will test his strategies this summer, she says. Likewise, as the kids learned, so, too, did their parents.
They gathered together, to share thoughts on how best to support their children, says Ward.
“When you have an anxious child, you get anxious about the anxiety,” says Ward.
“And as a parent, you go to great lengths to avoid what makes them fearful.”
Avoiding isn’t the best strategy, and can have reversed effect.
“The longer you avoid it, the worse their fear gets,” she says. It also spreads to other parts of their lives.
“As your child’s fear gets bigger and bigger, your world gets smaller and smaller.”
At the end of the sessions, the kids showed videos they had created of themselves as the stars, facing their fears.
“They can deal with things that overwhelm them,” says Ward. “It’s them controlling the fear and not the fear controlling them.”