Theo Fleury’s journey of hope and recovery
After a sleepless eight-day bender filled with drugs and alcohol, Theo Fleury decided he no longer wanted to live.
After buying a gun and some bullets at a pawn shop, the former NHL star snorted lines of cocaine, drank copious amounts of vodka, and reflected on his life — his successful hockey career, his battle with addictions and the trauma of being a victim of childhood sexual abuse.
He placed the loaded gun in his mouth.
“The gun rattled against my teeth and I can still remember what it tasted like.”
Just before he pulled the trigger, a voice in his head said “You’ve never quit anything in your life. Why start now?’
He agreed, and tossed the gun away before embarking on a journey of recovery.
The Olympic gold medallist and Stanley Cup champion shared his story Thursday at the 16th annual Committee of Youth Officers conference at the Sheraton on the Falls in Niagara Falls.
Joining Fleury on stage was therapist Kim Barthel, who co-authored his second book, Conversations with a Rattlesnake: Raw and Honest Reflections on Healing and Trauma.
Fleury met Barthel at a conference in Winnipeg. What she had to say changed his life.
She touched on research that suggests the younger a child is exposed to trauma, the more significant the impact it has on the brain.
“Survivors of trauma have children and grandchildren with brains that look the same as if they were the victims of trauma themselves,” Barthel said.
For Fleury, the impact of her message was profound.
He grew up in a dysfunctional household. His mother was a drug addict and his father was an alcoholic.
“I saw a lot of things a young boy should never have to see, never have to deal with,” he said.
He found solace at the arena, a place he initially felt safe and secure.
That changed as a teen, when he was sexually abused by his coach over a two-and-a-half year period.
He said he became an “instant alcoholic” at 15 and later grappled with addictions to drugs, alcohol and gambling.
“I didn’t want to feel anything. I didn’t want to feel joy or sadness. I just wanted to be numb,” he recalled.
Today, Fleury shares his personal story of survival to inspire other victims of childhood traumas to heal and reclaim their lives.
“I started to get well, to get better, and I started to understand all the layers of trauma I had experienced in my life. If I can get better, anyone can. I was the sickest of the sick. I’m still (expletive) crazy, but it’s manageable.”
Close to 460 people attended the two-day COYO conference, said conference vice president Heather Truscott.
“We have people from policing, education, health care, probation and parole ... basically anybody who deals with youth,” she said.