Husband wants out

This old photo of the Welland Avenue Methodist Church was published in 1904. It actually documents two phases in the life of that church.

In the background on the right may be seen the original church, which resulted when, in 1870, the St. Paul Street Methodist Church decided to establish the city’s second Methodist church in the newly developing area of St. Catharines north of Welland Avenue and east of Lake Street, In the following year construction began on a small wood-frame church building for the new congregation.

The congregation must have grown very quickly both in numbers and resources because in 1876 the little wooden church was moved down Henry Street, away from Welland Avenue, so that work could begin on a much larger brick church to replace it (The old church later housed the Sunday school.)

The new church building opened in late 1877. It was designed by St. Catharines architect Sidney Rose Badgley, known in local architectural circles as the designer not only of this church but also of the Oille Fountain, the old Carnegie Library, as well as Massey Hall in Toronto. He is said to have modelled the Welland Avenue church’s tower after Magdelen College, Oxford University.

Over the succeeding 130 years Welland Avenue Methodist (later United) Church baptized and married and buried and otherwise provided spiritual support to the members of its congregation.

Comparing our 1904 photo with a photo of the building today we can spot some changes that were made to its physical plant over the years:

1. The old 1871 wooden church no longer stands on Henry Street. In the mid-1920s it was moved back a few hundred feet from Henry Street and in 1927-28 was replaced by a brick Sunday School annex, designed by architect A. E. Nicholson. In its new location the old church building continued to play a role, as gymnasium and meeting place, in the church’s life, until it was finally demolished in December 2013.

2. At some point, perhaps in the early 1950s, the small porch and stairways to the right of the base of the church tower were removed.

3. In July 2008 the congregation had to remove the twelve spires that had from the beginning enhanced the top of the church tower — they were found to be unstable, a danger to people passing by below.

By the time that the twentyfirst century dawned, Welland Avenue United Church, like the two other United churches in downtown St. Catharines (St, Paul Street United, and Memorial United on Maple Street) were experiencing seriously reduced memberships. On July 1, 2008 Welland Avenue and Memorial joined with St Paul Street to form today’s Silver Spire Church.

The Welland Avenue building was put up for sale and was soon purchased by Community Living St. Catharines, which remains there today. Dennis Gannon is a member of the Historical Society of St. Catharines. He can be reached at gannond2002@yahoo.com ASK AMY

I am married to a beautiful woman who is pregnant with our second child. Over eight years of marriage, our ability to communicate and bond has deteriorated.

We are complete opposites. I am the educated, driven workaholic, and she prefers the housewife role. I’ve always encouraged her to pursue something beyond that, but to no avail.

All of our problems began early in our relationship when she revealed a serious problem with jealousy. She could not even stomach watching a lingerie commercial with me sitting beside her. I don’t have a jealous bone in my body. She has gotten better over the years, but I feel like the pointless fighting killed my passion for her.

I almost left my wife. I told her that we had no future together and offered her any and all support she would need.

When I found out she was pregnant, we changed our plan.

I love this woman and my child. But I feel like being with her is a second job. I don’t find joy, I find anxiety and the desire to escape.

I feel like I rush to sleep every night in hopes that a new day will bring something better, but all I see is my life passing me by.

I know I fathered two children and it is my responsibility to be there for them.

I would gladly take custody of them, if given the opportunity. I’m just afraid that if I continue like this, my children will grow up with a father who is an empty shell. My wife loves me. She does not want to give up on our marriage. What should I do? — READY TO FLEE

If your ability to communicate has deteriorated over time, this means that it can improve. Because of the high-stakes nature of your situation, you should try.

I assume you enjoyed your wife’s homebody temperament at one time, but now you would like her to change. You also don’t seem to have the capacity to imagine how she is feeling.

She is pregnant and caring for a young child. She also has an uncommunicative partner who rushes to bed each night. I’d imagine she’s a bit frustrated too.

Guess what? Sometimes it takes a heroic effort to be in a functioning family. The best way to be a great father to your son is to figure out how to love his mother well. Hoping that a solution will come to you in your sleep is not going to resolve the issues in your marriage. You sound quite depressed, but it’s time to engage instead of shutting down.