Man doesn’t like woman, but wants to cohabit

William Bartlett Burgoyne was a many faceted individual. He was much more than “just” the founder of the St. Catharines Standard and its editor/publisher for three decades, from 1891 to 1921. He was involved in all manner of local undertakings, usually those aimed at civic betterment. There’s a good reason that the high level bridge constructed in 1913-1915 between downtown and Western Hill was named for him – construction of such a bridge was an idea that he vigorously promoted in the pages of his newspaper for a decade or more before it finally happened.

For him civic betterment certainly included civic beautification. He was, after all, the founder of the St. Catharines Horticultural Society, which he headed from 1904 until 1916 (as well as being the president of the Ontario Horticultural Association in 1905-1906). The Burgoyne civic betterment/civic beautification initiative that occupies us today is the Civic Rose Garden in Montebello Park.

In a letter to Mayor Elson on February 1, 1919, W. B. Burgoyne donated $1,000 to the city for the establishment of a civic rose garden somewhere in the city. With that money in hand, the city moved ahead quickly to achieve Burgoyne’s vision. H. J. Moore, head gardener of Queen Victoria Park in Niagara Falls, visited the city to appraise various possible locations for the new garden.

On February 8th the city accepted his recommendation - that Montebello Park would be an excellent location, with the provisio that the exact location chosen in the park not interfere in any way with the park’s function as a playground. The decision was also made to spend $600 of Burgoyne’s $1,000 donation on rose bushes and $40 more on preparation of the grounds.

Things moved ahead steadily after that. Gardener Moore from Queen Victoria Park drew up plans for the new Civic Rose Garden. On February 13 roses bushes were ordered from England. On March 18 ground was broken for the garden, the first of the roses were planted by Burgoyne and city officials on May 9, and by mid-June the first rose bloomed.

In the following year Burgoyne offered another donation, this one to extend the garden’s original size and to construct four pergolas to decorate it (with any funds left over to be used to beautify the parkland leading up to the Burgoyne Bridge).

Our old photo this week, presumably dating to late March or early April 1919, shows a scene from the early stages of preparing the grounds for the garden, with two city workers and their horse-drawn equipment leveling the site.

Ever since those first roses bloomed back in 1919 the Montebello Park Rose Garden has been a beauty spot in our city centre. The area looks a bit barren just now, but come back in mid-June and enjoy this year’s blooms! Dennis Gannon is a member of the St. Catharines Heritage Advisory Committee. He can be reached at gannond2002@yahoo.com ASK AMY

I have been with my girlfriend for two years and we plan on moving in together in the next few months. We are both in our late 20s.

She has made it clear to me that she wants to get married and have children. However, I cannot imagine raising children with her, due to a variety of factors, namely her inability to control her anger.

She defines herself as a person who feels emotions very strongly. On the contrary, I am more reserved with my emotions and how I share them.

As per her requests, I have been more forthcoming in expressing my emotions with her. Unfortunately, upon my request, she does not control her own emotions.

She can be very sweet and loving toward me, but then the slightest discomfort or disagreement can cause her mood to change instantly, bursting into tears or screams.

When she is in this volatile state, she unreasonably refuses compromise or discussion. It is akin to a tantrum. My default is discussing the issue like adults, and her behavior puts me in no mood to comfort her. She wants me to hug and coddle her.

There are only so many times I can do this before feeling like it is a temporary fix for a deeper issue. Additionally, it doesn’t prevent future fights, and makes me feel like I am parenting a child.

The worst part is that when I gently tell her that she needs to control her emotions she is defiant and makes excuses for herself. If I suggest that she should seek help if she is unable to control her emotions, she becomes agitated. Already our values differ on a number of subjects, but how can we reach any compromise when I am afraid of how she will react?

— ADULT

I’m going to sidestep any attempt to diagnose your girlfriend, or even speculate about what her problem is, and turn directly to you. So, what’s wrong with you?! You present yourself as the mature and appropriate adult, and so this begs the question: Why are you thinking of moving in with and forming a permanent attachment to someone you don’t even like?

Normally when people complain about their partners, they try very hard to present something of a balanced picture of that person. You don’t have one positive thing to say about your girlfriend. You obviously don’t even like her.

I agree with you that you two shouldn’t have children together. But you probably also shouldn’t have coffee together.

She might in fact be a volatile harridan and you, a saint, but it doesn’t matter, because you are obviously in a mismatched relationship with someone you don’t like or respect. The good news is that you don’t need to fix her, or this relationship, because you shouldn’t be in it.