Stepmother worries about student debt burden

Divide the mixture evenly into a 12-cup (3 L), non-stick or silicone muffin pan. Press down firmly to form a crust. Bake for 10 minutes

and cool on a rack. While the crusts are baking, make the filling. Whisk the cream cheese and sugar together until smooth. Add the egg and vanilla. Beat until well combined. Slice the apples in half lengthwise and core. With a mandolin, sharp knife or vegetable peeler, slice the apple halves crosswise thinly into flexible slices that won’t to break when rolled up gently into a tube shape. Lay out 6 slices, slightly overlapping, lengthwise. Roll up to form the centre of the rose. Repeat to make 12 centres. Evenly divide the cheese mixture over the crusts. Place 1 rose centre in the middle of the cheese mixture. Starting from the outside of the muffin cup, tuck in apple slices, peel side up, in a concentric ring to meet with the centre, forming a rose shape. Repeat for the remainder. Melt the butter and mix with the sugar and lemon juice. Brush the apple slices with the mixture. Bake for 1/2 hour. Let cool for 1 hour in the pan before removing. If made in a silicone pan, remove the cakes by pressing upwards on the pans from the bottom. In a metal tin, carefully run a thin bladed knife around the edge and gently pry out the cakes. Serve at room temperature or chilled, dusted with icing sugar. Makes 12 cakes ASK AMY

I have a 33-yearold stepdaughter. She’s single, well-educated, has a very wellpaying job and rents an apartment. She has goals to marry, buy a house, have children and have other life experiences.

But she has $60,000 in outstanding student loans.

I am very concerned that she is not more focused on rapidly paying down those loans, particularly while she spends money on travel, weekend getaways and other discretionary purchases.

I worry that carrying these loans in her 30s and maybe into her 40s will derail her from achieving her goals. I also worry that she might think that her father and I, and/or other relatives, will just give her the money to pay off the loans. We are not in the financial position to do so at anywhere near the level of $60,000.

As stepmother, I am not able to directly address these matters with her. Her father is in a hesitant/reluctant state of mind and doesn’t want to upset his daughter, who never asks for advice and is quick to deflect any offers of same.

In addition, he feels guilty that he isn’t able to just write her a check. How can I help him to help her? — WORRIED STEPMOTHER

One of the burdens of being a stepparent is that you spend much of your parenting time watching from the sidelines and judging the choices and parenting style of your spouse.

But you don’t carry the guilt your husband does. You will never worry about this daughter in the same way he does.

You aren’t afraid of this daughter’s wrath quite the same way he is.

My main advice is for you and your husband to let this 33-yearold woman live her life the way she chooses to. She sounds smart enough and functional enough to do the math and see where her choices lead her. I’m not sure why she is informing or involving you in her loan load or repayment schedule, but the message from your husband to his daughter should be, “I wish I could, but I cannot and will not help you to retire this debt.”

If she is taking fun and expensive vacations and then complaining to you about her debt, then you get to say, “Well, you’re making choices about the way you want to live. We want you to live your best life and to be happy. If the way you are living is good for you, then keep doing what you’re doing. If not, then you’re smart enough to figure out how to make different choices.”

You and your husband must be on the same page regarding your own shared finances. He should not bail out any family member without your assent.

“Forgotten on the Fourth Floor” was upset that none of her hospital coworkers visited her after her knee replacement surgery.

I’ve worked in hospitals for 30 years.

There are very real concerns regarding patient privacy.

My rule of thumb is, if I am close enough with the co-worker that I would drive across town to visit them in the hospital, then I will go to see them in this hospital. Otherwise, I stay away and send a card.

— EXPERIENCED