Finding comfort in a good friend
Did the picture make you say “awwwwwww”?
Life at the shelter can be heartbreaking, but then there are moments like this, where you stand back in awe, touched and inspired. These two sweet young mom cats are co-parenting their kittens. They are inseparable, snuggling together, each feeding whoever is hungry.
I’ve always felt privileged to be a mom. I remember when mine were babies and I couldn’t get anything done because I needed to just sit and watch them in all their perfection. They are adults now, and there are times they still catch me with “that look.” They will always be life-changing miracles to me. And my greatest gifts. Being a mom changed who I am. My children have great power in my life to uplift, support, reassure and inspire me.
I’ve been blessed to have had many strong, loving, sensitive women in my life. I remember I used to make a list of things I needed to tell my mom while I was at school. After school she was always available, accessible and interested. I was so lucky to also have two wonderful grandmothers, who could not have been more different but were the best of friends.
I always thought that their distinct “Grandma smells” described them perfectly. My lively, funny, flirty Grandma who lived nearby always smelled like Chantilly. She had an impossibly sad, challenging childhood, but she chose to be happy, to love others, to see the great humour in life. My quiet, sweet, faith-filled Grandma always had that clean Noxema smell. I remember she used to close her eyes in silent prayer whenever she heard a siren, sending up prayers to help those in trouble. What a beautiful simple lesson.
And so many others, not all of them women ... I remember the wife of our minister when I was growing up. We had a project to do at church which meant standing up in front of people, my greatest fear. Her advice was to simply be myself, that in fact that was enough. What a huge lesson. My wonderful Aunt Ruth had such a zest for life, and so much love of family it filled her home to the brim, and you felt it when you walked through her door. My friend Katie — who has always helped me keep my perspective and who is unfailingly supportive and present for me — at one time we “co-mom-ed” our four little children. My friend Mike, always standing ready to support his “Momma C”- a nickname I cherish. My beloved sister Carole — there is no one I would rather laugh or cry with, and who loves my children as her own. Friends who have battled illness, depression, break ups, job loss, but made a conscious choice to look forward and keep fighting the good fight. So inspiring.
My little mom is 83 now. She regularly asks me to come sit on her lap. My usual line is “no way, I would squash you like a bug!” Her response is invariably, “it would be worth it.”
Mom’s struggling badly right now. She is alone for the first time in her life. My father has been in the hospital for 10 weeks, and will not be able to join her at the retirement home when he is released. There are many times Mom feels panicky and afraid, but she just keeps going. We visit Dad together every day, driving all the way to Port Colborne. She’s exhausted all the time, and she has issues of her own, but she just keeps going. She asks me all the time what she would do without me. She smiles when I tell her not to worry about it, that she doesn’t ever have to do without me. Over and over she has expressed gratitude for family. It’s a bit hard to get used to, sort of parenting your parents, but nothing could be more natural, really.
After all, we learned from the experts!
But back to those co-parenting kittycats. Imagine if we humans could learn to snuggle up to a trusted friend, feed each other’s children, and just be content in the moment. Cathy Fugler is managing director of the Niagara Falls Humane Society