Talking about the unspoken
Breaking the silence about teens’ struggles with depression, thoughts of suicide
Lucas Fiorella was your typical 19-year-old. He joked all the time, spent time with friends, did well in school, participated in sports, and was well known for his hugs. He was the “go-to person” when friends needed a shoulder to lean on.
You’d have never known that the bright computer science major was in a very dark place and, on Thanksgiving weekend 2014, Lucas took his life. He never shared any word about the depression that had descended — like most youth struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts, they suffer in silence.
The kids are not all right — and stats are startling: One in five Canadian teenagers seriously considered suicide in the past year. According to the Kids Help Phone report, 47 per cent did not speak to anyone about it, and 46 per cent had actually formulated a plan. There appears to be a disturbing mental-health crisis going on with depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts a stark reality for youth.
Lucas’s dad, Sam, wants to break the silence of this invisible illness and has founded #YellowIsForHello, a campaign that involves placing Friendship Benches on campuses across the country to encourage peer-to-peer conversation about mental health, so people take time for one another. So far there are 33 Friendship Benches.
“One hello can start a conversation that saves a life — Lucas proved it works,” says Sam, of Thefriendshipbench.org. “While Lucas was silently dealing with depression, we learned from friends that he made an effort to help others who were also suffering. Each conversation started with a simple ‘hello ...’ ”
In some cases, that “hello” and the ensuing connection saved a life.
Lucas himself did not share his feelings with anyone, not family or friends. Journals discovered after his death revealed that he didn’t feel connected to anyone or this world, feelings that began during his high school years.
Life for the Fiorella family has been a daily struggle since Lucas’s death.
“We’ve found a way to exist in what some call ‘a new normal’ but nothing is normal or OK,” says Sam, 50, a professor of marketing at Seneca College, and owner of Sensei Marketing.
“We have a daughter, family, and even business employees who we need to support, so we go through the motion of our lives for their sake but then the smallest thing that reminds of us Lucas or a shared experience ... hits us like sucker-punch to the gut. Multiple times throughout the day, when this occurs, it’s as if the room’s air is completely evacuated, making it impossible to breathe. Or want to breathe.”
Sam does not want Lucas defined by the short number of years he lived or his final act: “It’s his enormous heart and his courage in helping others despite his own suffering that should be remembered.”
The recent Netflix series, 13 Reasons Why, casts a much-needed light on tragic teen issues such as bullying, sexual violence and suicide.
Some say the drama glorifies suicide as an effective cure for depression and others voice concerns about its contagion effect, it’s worth talking about. “I believe the problem is not about talking about mental illness and suicide — it’s not talking about mental health and suicide,” says Sam Fiorella, who uses his son’s death to educate the community. Even if we remain silent, kids will read and learn about suicide. “Do we want them to do it in the vacuum of the Internet or do we want to guide them through this tough time in their life with education, love, and support?” says Fiorella. A study in Pediatrics Journal suggests that adolescent girls may
He touched so many when he was on this Earth and continues to do so through the mental health campaign he inspired, his true legacy.
The benches are painted yellow so they stand out — “almost fighting stigma with stigma.” The back of the bench has a plaque with Yellowisforhello.org. be more exposed to risk factors such as cyberbullying. Some studies link increased problematic cellphone use to depressed mood and show that girls use texting applications more frequently and intensively. Social media plays a big role in destroying their sense of self. High levels of social media use are linked to greater feelings of social isolation — it’s replaced interfacing with people on a muchneeded social level. In Canada, teen suicide is on the rise among teen girls and young women, while male suicide in the same age group has declined, reports Statistics Canada in 2016. The suicide rate among girls has increased by 38 per cent over the past 10 years, while male suicide decreased by 34 per cent. If you or someone you know is suffering with mental-health issues, call Kids Help Phone at 1-800-668-6868. Find help on suicideprevention.ca and depressionhurts.ca.
“The website can recognize the location of the person visiting, it will drill down to that campus’s bench on a map of Canada and link the student to available on-campus and in-community support resources,” adds Sam.