Happily married spouse tries to prepare for loss

ASK AMY

My wife and I have been happily married for 45 years. Marrying her remains the best and wisest thing I’ve ever done.

But we’re getting older. I’m 73 and in good health. She’s 76 and has had several medical issues. I’m beginning to realize I may outlive her.

I can’t imagine life without her. Where can I seek advice on preparing myself for what would be the greatest tragedy of my life? — WORRIED IN CALIFORNIA

Unfortunately, I don’t think it’s possible to truly prepare yourself for a loss of great magnitude. I also wonder if it is even wise to spend precious time trying.

Life can be so strange and fickle that the things we anticipate and try to prepare for either don’t happen the way we thought they would, or our feelings and reactions end up being very different after the fact.

I believe the following factors can create a positive grounding for coping with stress and loss: Your healthy relationships with friends and family. Your spiritual, emotional, and physical health. Your intellectual acuity and curiosity. Your relationship with the natural world. Your ability or interest in being creative.

And — most of all — feeling “seen,” loved, and held up by fellow human beings. Also ... pets. A loving nuzzle from an animal pal who needs you can be incredibly healing and sustaining.

These are all life enhancements you can work on now, with the love of your life by your side.

While reading the question from “Mindful Mom,” who wondered how to curb her young nephews from depriving the rest of the family of food at gatherings, my first thought was make a second pie.

Put out a smaller portion of a dish or dessert at first, and while the boys are preoccupied with their plates, put out the remainder for the others.

— FAMILY BUFFET SURVIVOR

There are many ways to trick these young voracious eaters into leaving some food for the others, but I believe the best idea is to teach them about portions, manners, and awareness of the needs of others.