Feisty Frank Campion lands a telling blow
Dear Mayor Campion, I must tell you I was pleasantly surprised when I read the story under the headline “Development charges bylaw called ‘cash grab,’” published in this newspaper a few days ago. Why? Because I liked your spunk. Those early Monday morning weekly walks on Merritt Island have you in tip-top shape, good for you.
At last week’s regional council meeting, you stood up to the big boss man of Niagara Region and more than held your own with him.
Conor McGregor vs. Floyd Mayweather? Naw. Piece of cake. How about Frank Campion vs. Alan Caslin?
Think about it, Mr. Mayor. As a PR professional, I’m sure you will agree: hype makes good type.
I can see the publicity posters and your names in big, bold letters at the top of the cards because this is sure to be the main event.
What do you think of: Frank (The Mayor) Campion vs. Alan (The Chair) Caslin?
Or better yet, how about: Frank (KO) Campion vs. Alan (What’s That?) Caslin?
And what about Frank (The Haranguer) Campion vs. Alan (Sit Down) Caslin.
And my fave: Feisty Frank Campion vs. Al (The Gavel) Caslin. That one has a nice ring to it.
We could even promo the jaw-tojaw bout on that big screen outside city hall, the one that’s kinda difficult to see at times because of the tree limbs and branches in front of it.
Come to think of it, we could livestream the action on the big screen. We could sell “ringside” seats in the square below (provided the much touted re-design of Welland Civic Square will allow for open space). What a night it would be. Wellanders will eat this up like a hot hamburger sandwich with fries and smushy peas at The Blue Star, or a loaded pizza at The Rex. (Let me know when you want to go for one, or both.)
The media will eat this up, too. I can see headlines like: Rhubarb in the Rose City; Moutho a Moutho in Welland (Mano a Mano might be a bit of a stretch); and Rose City Ruckus.
Now, just to keep you fired up, I’m going to reprint a small part of the fight, er, story, as reported by Postmedia’s Allan Benner. It’s the closest thing I could do to a replay:
‘An argument erupted between Campion and Regional Chair Alan Caslin after Caslin began explaining that if Campion’s motion was approved it would negate the work done by regional staff.
Campion called for a “point of personal privilege,” disagreeing with Caslin’s statement. “What’s that?” Caslin asked. “Well, if you looked at your (procedural) bylaw, you’d find out,” Campion told him.
Caslin slammed his gavel, shouting: “Out of order.”
“I’m going to ask you to sit down, nicely.”
“I will sit down, in a second,” Campion replied. “I’m challenging your ruling, Chair.”
Caslin then called a five-minute recess.’
Wow, doesn’t that back-and-forth make you want to say ‘Grrrrrrrrr!’ all night long?
And wow, what a potent left hook you had: “Well, if you looked at your (procedural) bylaw, you’d find out.” Ouch! Doesn’t that get your adrenalin flowing, “Feisty” Frank? Doesn’t that have you dreaming of a rematch, “KO” Campion? Doesn’t that put you in a mood to start haranguing, Frank “The Haranguer”?
Caslin cut the battle short. He ended it wisely, calling a recess. The notation in boxing would be: RSC — Referee Stops Contest. Only in this case it was: CSC — Chairman Stops Contest.
Oh, and one more thing: This had to be one of the best Thursday Night Fights in recent memory because it was without Andy (The Tweeter) Petrowski in the fray. Hurray for that!
Even though your side lost the war coming out on the short end of a 13-9 vote favouring the new bylaw, your bout, Mr. Mayor, ended without a decision.
A rematch is in order, but is highly unlikely in this scribe’s opinionated opinion. Why? It would be ruled: “Out of order!” — Lifelong Welland resident Joe Barkovich has spent much of that time watching people. He continues to be amazed seeing the best and not so best in us, but that’s life. Get a glimpse of how Joe sees our part of the world in his weekly column. He can be reached at whererailsandwatermeet@gmail.com.