Take my #Dadvice
A few years ago, in honour of Father’s Day, Jimmy Fallon read his favourite tweets that people had shared online using the hashtag #Dadvice.
Most were hilarious, but not very helpful to the average new dad. Here is one example: My dad always tells me, “Don’t use your turn signal. It’s no one else’s business where you’re going.” I think the police might disagree with that one ...
Readers of my past columns on this topic will know I’m far from a parenting expert. I’m just learning as I go. So over the past year I’ve spoken with doctors, nurses, teachers, dietitians, midwives, along with everyday moms and dads, to get their advice on the first year of fatherhood. For this column I distilled their key points into simple, bite-size nuggets, creating my version of #Dadvice. It’s a collection of do’s, don’ts, try this and skip that’s, covering nine months of pregnancy and the first six months of fatherhood (which is how far I’ve got).
Share it. Tweet it. Add to it. Pre-baby arrival:
1. You will be the second person to know that you’re having a baby. If she has a BFF, possibly even the third. Don’t be offended by this.
2. A dad is born nine months before a baby is born. The job starts when the pregnancy test displays a plus sign, and you start sweating profusely.
3. A guy smarter than you just told your pregnant wife she looks fantastic. For the second time. Don’t get complacent.
4. Learn how to make a good mocktail, and be ready to accommodate some strange dietary requests, without judging them.
5. Keep the gas tank at least half full during the last few weeks of pregnancy.
6. Map out a good spot for takeout and grocery store near the hospital. Mom gets free food while she’s in the hospital, but dad does not.
7. Be grateful that your baby is the 20 billionth child to be born in human history. I am certain that number 325,781 didn’t go as smoothly.
8. Take as many days off work as you can when your baby is born. You won’t regret it, and your company should support your wish to be home with your family during this important time. Post-baby arrival:
9. Newborns don’t blink. Don’t freak out.
10. Buy a newspaper the day your baby is born and keep the front page.
11. Cutting the umbilical cord ... OK. Keeping the umbilical cord ... gross.
12. After not sleeping for 36 hours, the ‘dad bed’ in the hospital room is more comfortable than you’d think.
13. Your baby ’s first poop will resemble crude oil. Don’t freak out.
14. Imagine being hired as a pilot with no training. “Here’s the cockpit. Good luck getting to Vancouver.” That’s what it’s like coming home with a newborn, and it’s like that for everyone.
15. The OB-GYN and pediatrician know as much about raising a perfect child as you do. Don’t doubt yourself or your abilities. You can do this.
16. A diaper bag is a bag with diapers in it. You don’t need to buy something new.
17. Cargo shorts are a diaper bag you can wear.
18. Celebrate Mother’s Day and make it special. Every year.
19. Going for regular walks and chewing gum will keep you awake when you go back to work.
20. Have your partner leave you a voicemail of the baby crying. Save it and play it for friends or co-workers when in need of a good excuse.
21. Your baby’s hiccups bother you more than it does them.
22. When it comes to raising children, your grandparents’ philosophical advice will be spot-on. Their medical advice will be terrible.
23. If you let your baby play with your smartphone, put it on airplane mode so they don’t call your boss at 11 p.m.
24. Keep the floor clean when your baby starts to move. While vacuuming, get down and see the world from your baby’s eyes. Everything they find down there will end up in their mouth.
25. Not every baby crawls in the traditional hands and knees style. Bear crawl, belly crawl, bottom scooter, crab crawl and just rolling around to get where they want to go are all normal ways for them to learn.
26. Your kid is not a little you. He’s a little him (or she’s a little her) regardless of who they look like. Your job is to help them be the best person they can be.
If you’re a new or expectant dad, this #Dadvice is for you. If you’re a veteran dad, I hope this list brought back some memories and made you smile.