Parent wants in-laws to finance kids’ education

Dear Amy: My husband and I are parents to three collegeage children. All three are good students that attend flagship state universities. Of course, as parents, we think they are great and well-rounded young adults. They have never given us a lick of trouble and have no trouble speaking and holding conversations with other adults, teachers, bosses, etc.

We own our own home and drive old cars, but still struggle to pay our kids’ tuition. We have saved money since our children were small to help defray their university costs, but even with the kids each taking $5,000 per year in loans it is still a struggle.

My in-laws have always recognized birthdays and Christmas with modest gifts, and they always compliment us on how we raised them. That’s the problem!

We recently became aware that the in-laws have already given tens of thousands of dollars to a local junior college foundation!

We are hurt terribly by this, as it seems to us that they would rather give to kids they don’t even know, than support their own grandkids’ educations. (They also give to multiple animal charities).

They are in their early-80s, and, although they seem to be relatively sane, we think they are being taken advantage of.

Without coming across as greedy, how could we approach this? — WONDERING

Dear Wondering: Inquiring about this isn’t greedy. Judging your in-laws’ financial decisions does make you sound greedy, however.

You and your spouse could approach the in-laws with a proposition: Perhaps they would be willing to invest in your kids’ educations by offering these students no-interest loans, so that they could complete their educations without owing money (and interest) to an outside entity.

Upon completing their educations, the grandchildren could repay the loans directly to their grandparents, or (if the grandparents chose) directly into a charity the grandparents’ chose.

Approach this with the very clear understanding that they have the right to make any financial decision they choose to make — even if you don’t like it. Investing in the educational future of deserving local students seems like a wise and generous choice for them to make. If you could put your children in this category, they might be willing to expand their investment.

Dear Amy: “Heartbroken and Sad” reported that some fishing equipment had walked away from their lake house after their nephew and his children visited.

I agreed with your take on this (most likely it was a mistake), but to prevent this sort of thing happening in the future, they should mark or label all of their equipment. — GONE FISHIN’

Dear Gone: Definitely.

Dear Amy: Thank you for your response to “Concerned Dad,” the man who didn’t want his brother-in-law to bring his gun into the dad’s household. I assume you’ve caught a lot of heat for being so passionately anti-gun, but I appreciated it.

— ANOTHER CONCERNED DAD

Dear Dad: Yes — I am completely anti-gun when it comes to young children, because research clearly shows that kids are at great risk around firearms.

And because I believe in a person’s individual rights and freedom, this includes their right not to have guns brought into their household.