The height of indulgence
Road test: 2017 Rolls-Royce Wraith Black Badge
Offered the opportunity to drive a Rolls-Royce Wraith for the weekend, I did what every other slightly insecure, couldn’t-afford-one-ifmy-house-appreciated-1,000-percent auto journalist would do. I drove the Wraith pretty much anywhere that I might lord my importance — nay, superiority — over pretty much everyone I knew.
OK, what I really wanted was to allow all my friends the ultimate experience in automotive luxury. I swear that my heart was, let’s say, about 90 per cent in the right place.
However, it morphed into a learning experience for me; an abject lesson in what others, less fortunate than I, consider hedonistic in an automobile. So while I, a technocrat at heart, might marvel at RollRoyce’s decision to add a second bulkhead to the engine compartment to minimize the noise, vibration and harshness from an engine already renowned for its smoothness (BMW’s twin-turbocharged V12) as the height of indulgence, no one else said a damned thing about how quiet the Wraith was. Presumably, it was expected.
Nor did anyone give a rat’s youknow-what that the eight-speed automatic transmission is now guided by satellite navigation that it might downshift before you get to the next corner. Indeed, other than a few of the most obvious debauches — leather that induces a sudden desire for naked frottage, a ride that makes pillows seem harsh, etc. — few of the things my victims — err, friends, pointed out would have ranked on my top ten of Rolls-Royce attributes.
Meanwhile, Gina, owner of the boxing club, just loved the Starlight Headliner option. Essentially, Rolls-Royce takes about 1,000 pinpoint-small LEDs, caches them underneath the perforated leather roof liner and creates a stargazing illusion inside the cabin for those who wish they had a convertible. It’s incredibly effective; at night, it’s like driving around in your own personal Hubble Observatory, only you never have to worry about a cloudy evening. Trés cool.
In fact, even though Gina was especially wowed by this feature, she pretty much was thoroughly impressed by how spoiled the truly rich are — especially upon learning the option cost a cool $17,000.
Meanwhile, PG — a Philippine professional in the style of Manny Pacquiao — who works in a Hyundai dealership, marvelled at the leather and wood. Never mind that Hyundai has done a wonderful job creating its luxury Genesis lineup, which easily competes with the Mercedes and BMWs of the world. But they still don’t have anything to compete with leather that Rolls-Royce claims comes only from Bavarian bulls raised in the mountains far away from blemish-inducing mosquitos. Come to think of it, nobody else does either. Nor do other automakers hand braze the exterior body panels and coat said steel in multiple coats of hand-sanded and polished paint. No, you don’t take a Roller to Bob’s Body Repair and Bait Shoppe after a fender-bender.
Meanwhile, away from Toronto’s home of pugilism, my dad was most impressed that Rolls still supplies sterling-handled umbrellas with each car. In the Wraith, they’re built into the front fender frames on both sides, running parallel in the bodywork to the front fender. That’s because the doors are of the “suicide” variety. In other words, open the door and out pokes the head of an easily removed umbrella to make sure that not one drop of rain touches your pampered head as you exit.
It was the first thing dad asked about, mainly because I got him one — complete with the RollsRoyce logo emblazoned on its handle — for Christmas one year.
Indeed, there’s just so much about a Roller to marvel at. I’ve just touched on the very tip of the iceberg, not yet mentioning details such as real aluminum switchgear, a clock that looks like it costs at least $10,000 and, well, you get the idea.
As to why I haven’t touched on typical road-test qualities, like how the Wraith handles and brakes or, indeed, whether it’s even a good car — it really is — not one of my friends gave a damn.
It’s probably the only attribute they share with the people who can actually afford a Rolls-Royce.