Fundraiser honours Jeff McKillop’s memory
Memorial charity car and truck show takes place Saturday in Smithville
Members of the McKillop family will never forget the date of May 18.
Looking back, they can’t even explain the wave of emotions they felt when they learned that their son and brother Jeff had taken his own life. Blindsided. Shocked. Confused. Heartbroken.
“People never ever thought he would take his life,” said Jeff’s mother, Wendy McKillop. “They knew he was struggling but had no idea how severe it was. People couldn’t believe it. He was always smiling, helpful, happy. He had a smile that could light up the darkest day, but not for himself.”
Even she was shocked. The day he died, he was supposed to be at their house that morning. It didn’t even cross her mind that he would have died by suicide, even when her daughter Jen showed up in tears with the police.
“It never crossed my mind. I was texting him the night before,” recalls Wendy.
Jeff, 31 at the time of his death, had battled mental health problems since a young age. He was diagnosed with a severe case of ADHD at just the age of two, and since his death, Jen and Wendy have learned he was battling depression and having suicidal thoughts over the last 10 to 15 years. He wouldn’t talk about it with his family.
“Jeff had been seen by specialists since he was two years old, and he was treated then,” said Wendy. “As he got older, we thought it was improving, but we found out he was internalizing.”
April was a turning point. He was hospitalized, and his family had its first indication there was a serious problem. Jeff, a Grimsby resident, was trying different therapies and drug treatments, but his lack of patience left him feeling overwhelmed despite assurance that the supports would help down the road.
“He gave up long before he should have,” Wendy said of her son. “He could never see down the road. He only saw the present.”
“We begged him to speak out, but he just felt like he was burden,” said Wendy. “I said, ‘We are your family, we love you,' but he just couldn’t see past the idea he was a burden.”
When the family found his suicide note, it broke their hearts even more to understand what was going through his head.
“He said his brain was just constantly going and he had to kill it to find peace,” said Jen. “It’s so sad people have to suffer alone.”
“It breaks your heart to read something like that,” added Wendy. “It’s bad enough to know he is gone, but to read the emotional pain he felt before he died is just heartbreaking.”
Now Wendy, Jen, father Peter and his other sister Megan are making it their mission to raise awareness and funds for mental health. In Jeff’s honour, a fundraiser will be held this Saturday with proceeds supporting Pathstone Mental
Health which provides services across Niagara.
For Jeff’s family, the awareness started by speaking openly about his death during his eulogy.
“Instead of talking about Jeff and just his accomplishments, I went into his history and said, 'You are going to hear about a side of Jeff you didn’t know,’” said Wendy. “Because it was so sad, so tragic and so devastating, the only way a lot of people feel we can get through it is to make it count and let people know they can speak out.”
They later brought a speaker into the community shortly after his death, and thanks to the support of Jeff’s friends, this weekend they are holding a memorial charity car and truck show on Saturday, from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. at the West Niagara Agricultural Centre in Grassie.
“It started out the night of Jeff’s funeral. A bunch of his friends got together that night and they decided they wanted to do something in his memory to bring awareness,” said Wendy.
There will be live music, food, raffles, a touch-a-truck event, vendors and more, including several mental health support services. Those wishing to show their car will pay $10 a vehicle, which comes with a raffle ticket. Proceeds will support Pathstone Mental Health.
“This is perfect for him. He loved cars, trucks, trains, race cars — all kids of machines — since he was a little boy,” said Wendy, adding the friends hope to make it an annual event and the family hopes to try and use it as a legacy project, possibly starting a foundation to support different causes.
Pathstone, said Wendy, is an important cause. “Because their focus is on kids up to the age of 18, they provide foundational support,” she said, adding they hope they will be able to use the funds to support extra walk-in counselling hours for Niagara youth.
If they can get through to even one person, they know they’ve made a difference.