I want a second child, my husband wants to party

more satisfying than with only one.

Q: I’m 19, in love with a guy whom my family hates. Even my speaking his name upsets them.

They’re also over-controlling, so I want to go live with my dad (my parents are divorced). However, if I go there so I can be free and be with my boyfriend freely, my mother says I can forget about her side of the family because she’ll want nothing to do with me.

I’ve asked my cousins and friends what they think because they know my living conditions (helping around the house and always taking care of my siblings more than my mother does).

I can’t even study or do what I please because I need to help my mother.

My heart says to go to my dad’s but something keeps me here. I guess it’s my fear of losing my family.

Hard Choice

A: Your heart isn’t one-sided — it’s attached to your family and cousins, your siblings whom you look after, as well as this boyfriend.

You believe that moving to your father means total freedom in your relationship with your boyfriend … but is that responsible parenting or just not paying attention?

Being “in love” at 19 is a thrill, so it’s natural that you want to be with him 24-7. Yet, what is it that your mom and family dislike so much about him? You haven’t said, but it’s something you should be weighing in your decision.

You may eventually move to your father’s. In the meantime, take some time to think through current realities, e.g., whether your mother (even if imperfect) is trying to protect you from getting too deeply involved too soon, and whether you’re ready to break away from your siblings and closest relatives.

Ellie’s tip of the day

Don’t rush to have another child with the father who won’t grow up.

Read Ellie Monday to Saturday.

Send relationship questions to ellie@thestar.ca or visit her website, ellieadvice.com.