‘You’re still as beautiful as when I first met you’
St. Catharines seniors reunited briefly after months apart, living in separate LTC homes
Karl Pettay has asked about his wife almost daily in the months they’ve been separated.
“All he ever asks about is my mom,” said his stepdaughter Shelly Maiuk.
And in the absence of Ann’s familiar-reassuring voice, quick wit and comforting embrace, Shelly said she has watched as the mild dementia that forced the family to place Karl at West Park Health Centre on Pelham Road about three years ago “has really gotten worse.”
Her brother David Maiuk has become increasingly concerned about his stepfather’s condition, too.
He said Karl recently told him: “I don’t know where I am, and I don’t know who I am anymore.”
David tried to comfort him.
He told him: “When we get you over to the other place where mom is, … things are going to be different, dad.”
And things were different on Friday — at least for a few hours.
For the first time in months, Shelly was able to arrange to bring her parents together again for a lunch date at Garden City Manor.
The smile that spread across Karl’s face when he saw his wife seemed to rejuvenate the 85-year-old.
“You’re still as beautiful as when I first met you,” Karl told his wife, while presenting her with a bouquet of flowers.
“Oh Papa, you’re such a romantic. That’s what I love about you,” Ann replied as she hugged and kissed him.
Karl and Ann first met nearly 50 years ago.
Ann was 29 years old with five young children from a previous relationship, when a mutual friend introduced her to Karl at a dance party.
“Do you remember that day?” Ann asked him.
“Oh yeah, I remember,” Karl said. They were married a few years later.
“He raised my five children,” Ann said.
“I did what I could,” Karl added.
Ann spent Thursday afternoon showing Karl around her home, and introducing him to the many friends she’s made while living there.
“Everybody wants to meet him,” Ann said. “I’ve been talking about him pretty well since I got here.”
However, she warned her husband that he might meet a few other roosters in the hen house.
“I’ve got six other boyfriends,” she admitted, laughing. “But no sex. I’m saving myself for you, babe.”
The couple faced their share of hardships and sorrows during their many years together.
“It hasn’t been all sweethearts and roses, you know. There have been times,” Ann said.
She said their mutual sense of humour and willingness to laugh at themselves helped them overcome the worst of the adversity life threw their way.
But they were together, then. And Thursday’s reunion was far too brief.
Karl returned to West Park that afternoon, once again separating the couple.
“He didn’t want to leave,” Shelly said. “He laid on my mom’s bed and said, ‘I’m not going anywhere.’”
Shelly said her parents initially managed to see each other almost daily, because West Park Health was was only a few blocks away from Ann’s apartment.
But after falling and injuring herself early last year, it became apparent that Ann could no longer live safely on her own, either.
She moved into Garden City Manor on Scott Street — making those regular visits almost impossible.
In the months since, the family has been working to reunite their parents.
The Local Health Integration Network (LHIN) has also made permanently reuniting the couple a priority. In a recent letter to Niagara Centre MPP Jeff Burch’s office, the organization informed him that Karl has been placed on a “crisis list for reunification.”
The family, however, is still waiting for space to become available at Garden City Manor.
And it won’t happen overnight. Garden City Manor executive director Matthew Sticca said his staff are working diligently to move Karl into the 200-bed facility, that currently has two rooms occupied by married couples.
“We’ve accepted him for admission onto our wait list with the LHIN and we hope to be able to move him into an appropriate room as soon as possible,” he said.
“It’s something the (provincial) government is looking to do to keep loved ones together.”
Although Garden City staff also need to determine how they can best meet Karl’s needs before he can move in, Sticca said that day is coming “in the near future ... as soon as possible.”
For the couple, that day can’t come soon enough.
“You’re going to be here, by hook or by crook,” Ann told Karl.
“I’m not going over to that place,” she added, referring to the facility Karl calls home.
“I’m sorry, but as much as I love I you, I’ve heard too many bad things.”
Karl was allegedly assaulted on Jan. 16, by another West Park resident who has since been charged by Niagara Regional Police. His family say they were never informed about the incident, and didn’t know anything had occurred until David found his father in extreme pain two days later.
An x-ray revealed that Karl had two cracked ribs, and he also had a contusion on his wrist.
The Ministry of Health is now investigating the incident.
Shelly said her father’s dementia deteriorated drastically in the weeks since the alleged assault — as West Park staff moved him several times in an effort to find accommodations for him while separating him from the man charged with assaulting him.
But when Karl and Ann were together again on Thursday, he was as sharp as a tack.
“How are your ribs, by the by?” Ann asked her husband.
“They’re still sore, but I can handle it,” Karl replied.
Shelly said she’s pretty sure her stepfather’s clear mind that day was a direct result of the reunion.
“I’m convinced of it,” she said. “Since the incident, this is the best I’ve seen Dad. Oh my God, he was so excited.”
Sticca, too, said the reunion “worked out extremely well” for the family — and especially Karl.
“In people with cognitive impairment, the long-term memory remains and that’s where the deep-seated emotion is,” he said. “We could see that today with how lovely it was to see them reunited and share each other’s company.”
Now, the top priority for the family is to allow their parents to spend the last years of their lives “together in dignity,” David said.
“I don’t think that’s a lot to ask for,” he added.
Karl and Ann feel the same way.
Ann pointed out that they will celebrate their 48th wedding anniversary this year.
“We’re going to be around for our 50th,” she told Karl.
“Damn right,” Karl replied. “And after that, too.”
Since the incident, this is the best I’ve seen Dad. Oh my God, he was so excited.”
SHELLY MAIUK
Karl Pettay’s stepdaughter