My friend is constantly ignoring me in to flirt with neighbour

Q: My gentleman friend from many years (we’re “just friends”) and I often have dinner at each other’s homes. Or go out for a coffee at a cafe.

When I’m a guest at his home, he’s constantly texting or spending the entire time calling his friends on FaceTime.

I’ve said that I find it rude and he responded, “You have attention or rejection problems because you’re an only child” and to get over it. He’ll sometimes even bring the computer to the dining room table to check if any new text messages have arrived. Or, he’ll carry his computer or phone to another room to check for messages.

The most constant texting to him is from a neighbour whose boyfriend’s often absent, especially on major holidays. So, it’s more prevalent and upsetting to me when it’s on Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, etc.

It’s not of an urgent basis, just bantering back and forth.

Meanwhile, I’m being completely ignored and wonder, “Why was I invited?”

Sometimes, I’ve just left his house and let them continue their conversations. If I question him, I’m reprimanded.

Periodically, he distances himself from me for a few days to prove the point that he’s going to continue his habit with this neighbour.

I’ve never questioned his talking to family, which is also constant. But if I call him when this neighbour’s visiting his home, he’ll text-message that he’ll call me after she leaves.

When he’s invited to my place, he brings his computer and does the same thing. We’re both in our 60s, and I’ve now expressed that it might be better for me to back off from this long-standing friendship. Frustrated

A: This man is rude and disrespectful to you. He invites you over for dinner, but he ignores you. He’s even openly dealt with you on a lower-priority level than his neighbour, who is not single.

Worse, he’s dismissed your valid objections with a pop-psychology analysis of your being needy because you’re “an only child.”

He’s not a true friend.

It’s time to enjoy your 60s, as so many of your age-cohort do, by finding people interested in shared conversations over coffee or dinner, attending local theatre and discussing the plays, signing on to an affordable, neighbourhood concert series, etc.

You don’t have to accept this man’s obsession with social media controlling your so-called visits together.

He’s adding nothing positive to your life and, worse, as an “old friend,” shows no caring.

Don’t dismiss his behaviour as being part of the times. Rude is just rude — period.

Dear Readers: Yes, we all know that social media has hugely affected social connections, much of it in a positive way.

We can now reach family and friends across continents through texts, across generations through FaceTime, find lovers through a swipe of the finger and far more.

But for those with no social boundaries, all these possibilities can be turned negative through technological abuse. This letter-writer’s so-called “friend” is a prime example.

So, too, is the too-familiar sight of couples sitting at a restaurant table, with each focused on their own phone, never talking to or looking at the other.

Now, I suggest that we use this space which is meant to help improve relationships, to look at our own and others’ social media behaviour.

Send me your stories (anonymous) of how you found love, or lost respect, or recognized a truth about someone, through a social media connection.

Ellie’s tip of the day

Rude, controlling behaviour isn’t friendship.