I’m worried my young wife is slowly poisoning me

Q: How do I tell or know if my wife’s slowly poisoning me?

She’s 25 years younger and has a boyfriend in another country, but the pandemic kept them apart. We married five years ago and have a four-year-old daughter.

Neither of us has the financial ability to move, and I’m reluctant to do so because of our child.

My wife’s depressed if not psychotic. She doesn’t believe in counselling and we have no family or friends nearby.

A colleague who’s familiar with my circumstances has suggested that she might be poisoning me.

She cooks all my meals and uses many strange (to me) spices and herbs. She’s very knowledgeable about poisonous plants. She knows or thinks that, because of our age difference, my death wouldn’t appear suspicious even though I’m in great health.

Even if I were to ask my doctor (and I can’t do that in person because of the pandemic), what would the lab look for in my system?

I’m putting any unusual health problems down to stress and isolation even though we’re in a good-sized city. What are your suggestions?

Suspicious Food

A: If you seriously believe that you may be being poisoned, call the poison control centre in your city or province and describe any actual symptoms that are worrying you.

A friend’s suggestion carries no weight. What matters is whether you’re actually experiencing any unusual changes in your digestion, or any other health indicators.

Also, describe which substances/liquids may be the origin of the poisons.

Meanwhile, on one hand, you say you’re in “great health.” Then, a paragraph later, you speak of “unusual health problems.” Which is it?

If you’re truly concerned, call your doctor. Depending on where you live, some family doctors are seeing patients in person.

It’s then up to the professional to check your general health and to decide what a lab should test regarding whether there are actual poisons in your system.

However, if your wife has actually said that death at your age wouldn’t appear suspicious, you should go to the police with your fears.

Whatever is going on, it’s also time to make sure your child is safe in this situation.

In Canada, as example, Ontario’s Poison Centre has a Toronto-based 24-hour toll-free information number — with information and advice about potential or real exposures to poisonous substances: 416-813-5900.

If your call is urgent or you need immediate assistance, dial 911 instead.

Or call 1-800-268-9017 to describe the plants/herbs that worry you, to a poison specialist.

Feedback: Regarding the woman who’s considering ending a long friendship due to differing opinion on the pandemic which she considers “a conspiracy to control people” (Sept. 3):

Reader: “I’d like to pose a question: Why is it that decent, considerate folks (myself included) don’t reply when “friends” try to cram their opinions down their throats?

I would be one of those folks, and have often debated with myself if I’m not valuing the friendships enough to fight for them.

For example, I could say, “You are entitled to your opinions, but I disagree. If we can agree to disagree let’s move onto another topic for the sake of our friendship.”

Ellie: The original letter writer waited 15 years to even consider speaking up, because there were other aspects to the friendship she enjoyed.

Some call it a “live and let live attitude,” but there are times when your personal beliefs and values just can’t let you take it any longer.

Ellie’s tip of the day

Reach out for the help you need immediately. Living with suspicions and fears is harmful to everyone.

Ellie Tesher is an advice columnist for the Star and based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions via email: ellie@thestar.ca.