Good grannies versus bad grannies
Sister has a book given her by one of her daughters-inlaw called “Good Granny, Bad Granny”. It’s worth the cash for all grandmothers, and can be read cover to cover in no more than two sittings in the bathroom, which is also good for grandmothers.
I only remember a few, such as good grannies make sure the children have a bath every night; bad grannies decide running through the sprinkler early in the day counts.
Good granny does not let them watch too much TV and always knows what they’re watching; bad granny plunks them down in front of a children’s channel and watches the Blue Jays game in the next room.
I have just had four-year -old Grandson for a seven night sleepover. I believe I am a good granny, but if you’re going by the standards of the traditional good granny, that is somewhat subjective.
I will relate good/bad comparisons, some paraphrased from the book plus some of my originals from this past week. You have to guess which is which, because I am not admitting to anything.
Good granny would have floors you can eat off but would never let them eat anything off the floor: bad granny believes in the five-second rule and that dirt is good for them.
Good granny has grey hair and wears an apron; bad granny takes them shopping for matching pink hair dye and spangled leggings.
Good grannies bake cookies: bad grannies buy cheese straws because cheese is good for them and the straws go well with wine.
Good granny takes them to Disney World and introduces them to Mickey Mouse: bad granny takes them to Las Vegas and teaches them how to use slot machines.
Good granny does not let them watch too much TV and always knows what they’re watching; bad granny plunks them down in front of a children’s channel and watches the Blue Jays game in the next room.
Good granny serves nourishing meals with raw vegetables, fruit and yogurt; bad granny relies on frozen chicken strips and French fries and considers offers olives and pickles to be vegetables.
Good granny buys them kinetic sand and has cookie cutters shaped like hearts and little people for extra moulds; bad granny buys kinetic sand and comes up with an empty pill bottle and a two-ounce jigger for extra molds.
Good granny has Lego sets and crayons for them to play with; bad granny has play guns and swords and other murderous tools.
Good granny takes them to baseball games and shows them how to do the wave; bad granny takes them to mixed martial arts and gets them to wave a big foam hand with a finger sticking up.
Good granny settles fights by telling them they should love their brothers and sisters, bad granny lets them go at it because it will teach them about the real world.
Good granny teaches them how to play Go Fish, Old Maid and Crazy Eights; bad granny teaches them how to play with money.
Good granny drinks non-alcoholic drinks in front of the children; bad granny drinks wine every day but isn’t really a bad granny because she also tells them tells that drinking is bad for you.
Good granny takes them to petting zoos and teaches them about animals, bad granny takes them to the race track and teaches them how to handicap the horses.
This good granny came up with two good games for toddlers this week; hide the clothespins and plastic bag ball.
You pin clothespins on stuff all around the room and they have a great time finding them and then hiding them for you. (My two-year-old great-niece had never seen a clothes pin.)
You stuff a plastic grocery bag with other plastic grocery bags and make a big light soft ball that you can play catch with indoors. (That assumes that you have no delicate breakables on display, but if you do, are you really a good granny?)
Only five of the “bad grannies” above apply to me so far, but then Grandson is only four years old and his brother is only four days old as you read this. Give me time.
(Apropos of nothing; when I looked up “Good Granny, Bad Granny” on line I found three porn sites on the very first page! Makes the bad grannies in Sister’s book look like good grannies).