Let the byelection brawling begin

Hold onto your hats, folks, ‘cause this could be one humdinger of a brawl.

With any luck at all.

In fact, it could be as entertaining as one of those classic rackets I observed on a scattered Saturday morning at the infamous Corner Tavern, when two half-cut patrons would launch into a spirited debate that would quickly escalate into a nasty confrontation and exchange of high-intellect repartee, such as “I’ll twist your f-ckin’ head off and use your neck as a toilet,” prompting all other assembled drinkers to accurately predict, with a high level of enthusiasm: “She’s goin’ up, b’ys, she’s goin’ up.”

Of course, I’m talking here about Ches Crosbie and Dwight Ball.

Now you may recall, with some retroactive dismay, even a bit of shame, that the last time The Deer Lake Destroyer, “The Mannequin Man,” was involved in a physical set-to, he turned into Bawlin’ Ball, and whined about the fact that the Mount Pearl Masher — Jim (The Farmer) Lester, had blocked the entrance to an MHA common room just outside the House of Assembly, preventing the premier, one would presume, from taking an afternoon siesta during a sitting of the legislature.

But, ladies and gentlemen, that was then, and this is now, and there will apparently be no tossing of the white towel into the ring this time around, no wimp-like complaints to the Speaker.

Raging Bull Ball has emerged. The pugnacious premier seemed to be calling out Crosbie, the latest Tory leader, by declaring the other day, in rather bold fashion — bold, at least, for the usually straitlaced Ball, and in Trump-like fashion, no less, using the weapon of eloquence called Twitter — “I’m looking forward to going toe-to-toe with Ches Crosbie.”

Well, shiver me timbers, came the cry from the entire province upon realizing a battle of charisma was upon Newfoundland’s shores.

And I’m pretty well sure that Crosbie, whose most notable career bout was a head-toantler confrontation with the Newfoundland moose — and just about anyone who had anything to do with bringing two of those horny animals over here from New Brunswick at the turn of the last century — must have been shaking in his boots upon hearing that the premier wanted a piece of him.

Now, as you probably know, this call to arms was provoked when Raging Bull Ball took umbrage with what he felt was the rather twisted way in which Challenger Crosbie voiced his enthusiasm for participating in a soon-to-be-called byelection, a ballot box day necessitated by the resignation of The Burger Queen herself, Cathy Bennett.

Crosbie, in announcing he would run for Bennett’s seat (as he should do, the handling of a leader’s responsibilities in an unelected post in the public galleries of the legislature a non-starter), said he did not wish to “miss an opportunity” in a “crisis.”

Well now, have you ever heard the like from a Newfoundland politician before?

Just imagine: the province is in a financial crisis, and he, Combative Ches, believes he’s just the bucko to turn her around. You can be sure Ball and the Liberals never gave even a thought to their enviable position when the Tories were imploding a few years back. It was all about public service. Not an ounce of blind ambition to be seen or heard. No exploitation by the pure-as-thedriven-snow Ball and company of the crises of the time.

No siree.

Shocking stuff. No wonder Battlin’ Ball wants to grab Crosbie by the few hairs left on his lawyerly skull.

OK, OK, I’ve exaggerated throughout here about the thunderous knock down, drag out type of battle we can expect between the premier and the wannabee premier; this obviously won’t be a tilt for the ages. Political junkies struggling through withdrawal and in desperate need of an injection of stimulation — the supply of political adrenalin having dried up in recent times — have to accept the fact that this is Crosbie and Ball, not Crosbie and Smallwood.

But, look, you have to take whatever becomes available.

And you never know, there may even be a few nasty and delightful haymakers during the Ball/crosbie bouts down the road (if Crosbie is successful, that is, in Bennett’s old seat of Windsor Lake). Crosbie could have that Tory nightmare, Muskrat Falls, shoved in his face at every opening, while Ball could be forced into expanding beyond a political existence based almost entirely on Progressive Conservative incompetence.

Bennett, it should be noted, is retiring after a relatively brief political career, one accentuated by her revelations of being bullied both in social media and within her own caucus.

But never let it be forgotten that she also managed to bring down a budget a couple of years ago as finance minister that seemed to piss off just about every Tom, Dick and Harriett in the province (there may have even been a few four-legged types, Mister, Bilbo and Buddy, for example, howling to the moon in protest of an increased cost in doggie treats).

She may turn out to be a political asterisk.

But at least she has provided, through her departure, an opportunity for a scrap.

IN THIS CORNER...

Raging Bull Ball has emerged.