Don’t worry, be happy and pay your bills

Thousands of Newfoundlanders were reassured this week when a multimillionaire told them not to panic about impending jolts to their electricity bills.

The help from on high didn’t stop there, as another man of plenty — the current premier, as opposed to a former one — advised the masses of Muskrat captives that the government could help them pay for the bloated boondoggle by switching some public buildings from oil to electric power.

There is a $12.7-billion bill to be paid. Premier Dwight Ball says the government can help the citizenry pay this debt by joining them in paying yet higher electricity bills.

You have to wonder what the economic Einsteins at the St. John’s Board of Trade think of this asinine suggestion, but as has been evident since about 2016, the province’s heralded captains of industry have forgotten their opinions about Muskrat Falls and no longer speak about it publicly.

Unnecessarily increasing the government’s costs is consistent with the type of leadership Newfoundlanders have chosen for the past decade. Higher government power bills in its buildings will help ratepayers … how? Well, Ball’s logic goes, the government will bear some of the burden of paying off the $12.7 billion.

The extra money to pay the government’s higher power bills will likely come from taxes, or perhaps from funding cuts to health care — thanks for the suggestion Ches!

The mitigation machine ran at full throttle this week. The Rhodes scholar who was also once premier testified at the Commission of Inquiry Respecting the Muskrat Falls Project that the plan always was to use offshore oil revenues to help pay for the dam thing.

If your initial response was that you’ve never heard that official line before, it’s because you haven’t.

(I stand to be corrected on this by the extremely knowledgeable Uncle Gnarley. However, according to blogger Des Sullivan, the mainstream media does not cover, and has never covered, Muskrat Falls, so even if he reads this he’ll probably think I’m talking about river rafting.)

Imagine that in 2010 or 2012 the premier of the day — Danny or Kathy — had said something like, “Oh, and another thing: we’ll have to use offshore oil royalties to help pay for it.”

Even the most oblivious boosters and cheerleaders — possibly the Board of Trade, too — would have been forced to stop shaking their pompoms and ask, “If this dam is economical, why does it need oil money?”

If the Rhodes scholar wants to explain that one to Telegram readers in 650 words or less, I’ll gladly offer this space to him next week. My email address is below. I promise to edit for typos only.

Meanwhile, the Tories must have infiltrated the Premier’s Office and placed a PC operative on Ball’s speechwriting team.

How else to explain Ball’s blunder-blubber assertion that Muskrat Falls is the “biggest financial mistake” in the province’s history.

When did Ballstein come to this breakthrough conclusion? If it was only while he was putting on his tie to attend the Liberals’ recent $500-perplate fundraising dinner, some among the electorate — even those who voted for him — must have thought his theory comes relatively late. Three years in power, and he’s only discovering this now?

On the other hand, maybe Ball has been sharp his whole time in the House, and knew it all along. If that is the case, it’s a worse situation than if he were merely stunned.

In 2015, there was plenty of proof the Muskrat Falls project was an unfolding disaster and should be stopped. Ball didn’t stop it.

Either way, Ball’s “biggest financial mistake” comment makes him look decidedly illinformed.

Ches undoubtedly gave the PC operative a bonus.

My sides still hurt after hearing Danny Williams say time will prove Muskrat Falls is a good project. Indeed, sir. That’s why we’re spending $33 million on a public inquiry.