Common sense shows up at prom night

The air was rich with excitement. Amid all the prom decorations, there were smiles, giggles, righteous laughter and even a few high-fives.

“We did it!” I heard someone exclaim.

And that was just how the parents were behaving, by the way.

I’m sure the kids at the meetand-greet event for our son’s high school graduation were having a great time, too, but it’s true: for us and other parents, there was something to celebrate. As one put it, “We raised grown-ups.”

There’s been some discussion in the last week or so about proms: about what they should be, what families can afford, whether schools are sucking the joy out of life, and, inevitably when generations collide, how much things have changed since so-and-so was young.

With that last point in mind, let me say that they didn’t have anything like that meet-andgreet when I graduated from high school more than a couple of decades ago. Prom was quite different, then. We decked our gym with the classiest decorations we could hand-craft from coloured tissue. The lapels on the guys’ rented jackets were as wide as our horizons, while their shirt fronts were voluminous in their ruffled grandeur.

For the girls, the dresses were, as I recall, what you would expect from the age of ABBA. Many of us sewed our own or we spent our babysitting earnings on gowns from Dalmy’s, Reitman’s and Smart Set.

Somewhere along the line, proms got weird. Or, at least, weirdly expensive.

A light bulb moment for me came when we were invited to drop by a hotel foyer where a niece’s graduating class was gathering. A hotel? Really?

How naive that would seem as the years passed, with subsequent graduating classes competing to top each other for ambitious grad ceremonies. Stories flew about shopping trips to Montreal and even New York for that special dress, about shops charging a premium for exclusive orders, about parents putting money down for hospitality suites in a hotel for the kids to have fun.

The pendulum started swinging back at least a few years ago. When our friends’ daughter was in high school, she and others were campaigning for a no-fee prom: in other words, something everyone could attend, no matter their financial circumstances.

I read about dress banks, where people could donate the prom gowns they wore precisely once.

By the time our son graduated last spring, his school had already dialed down a lot of the madness. The whole rent-a-hotel thing had ended a few years ago.

The meet-and-greet — held at the curling club, just a short walk from the school — was held early in the evening, and honestly, I think it was more enjoyable for the parents than the kids. We hadn’t seen much of each other since junior high, and we used to see everyone quite a lot (birthday parties, pickups, sports, school concerts, fundraisers and so on).

I was delighted and flabbergasted to see how the cute little kids who delighted me in school productions or bowling matches had transformed into stylish, poised grown-ups. We did it, indeed.

On the floor that evening, I didn’t hear any complaints at all that there wouldn’t be a big expensive blowout. In fact, a good few of them were looking forward to staying up all night at the new rec entre for the safe grad.

I learned after not many were much interested in the dance that followed the meet-andgreet and celebration dinner. (I’m guessing the tissue decorations were not revived.)

Coincidentally, our graduating class from 1978 — yes, it was 40 years ago — gathered together this year. It was the first time we had a graduating class reunion, and it was, happily, a wonderful opportunity to meet again.

Perspective has given me some insights. One is that friendships from youth can be profoundly important.

Another is you don’t need to spend a fortune to celebrate a milestone in your life.

And most importantly, everyone should be made to feel welcome and comfortable.

Tissue decorations are still optional. (Although if you ask, I could probably make them from memory.)