Is passive-aggression gendered?
Conflict can be healthy in the workplace, but gender equality requires a better way
The word 'conflict' evokes a plethora of emotions ranging from anger and pain to discomfort and change. Often associated with negativity, conflict and its management are not easy concepts to navigate.
For Corina Walsh, conflict is part of her professional routine.
“Conflict can be constructive – where teams debate ideas with each other or a manager provides constructive criticism…. It can be destructive, which leads to a negative workplace culture. Destructive conflict can be aggressive or passive-aggressive,” she said.
Walsh is an experienced, certified coach, specializing in emotional intelligence, and works with a variety of organizations to “foster a culture of growth and excellence.”
When direct and managed well, conflict has the potential to create positive change and nurture innovation. But in Corina’s experience, many workplaces are rife with passive-aggressive conduct, a behaviour where hostility manifests in an indirect fashion.
“[Passive aggressive behaviour] is rampant for several reasons – our polite Canadian culture has conditioned us to believe that it’s not OK to say how we really feel, and being direct with someone is rude,” said Corina, explaining that a lack of skills in navigating difficult conversations and emotional intelligence are major contributors towards such behaviour.
From small, seemingly harmless ways - such as tardy or unresponsive communication - to larger consequences that include calling in sick to avoid dealing with an individual are ways passive-aggressiveness is displayed at the workplace. In an environment of this nature, Corina said, sometimes employees end up “quitting to get away from a coworker/manager.”
This is what happened to E at their previous workplace. E’s name and gender have been altered and kept anonymous on their request.
“It was a toxic, toxic, sick environment…there was no directness, no sincerity…. An example of passive-aggressive behaviour I've experienced is people not directly addressing any (perceived) problems, but gossiping or complaining to others. Due to preferential treatment, the gossip [was] being taken as truth and used as basis for discipline rather than verifying and confirming the accuracy of what was stated,” said E.
From the unfair application of the organization’s policies to variegated treatment by coworkers behind and in front of the boss, E experienced it all. E also found that such behaviour was gendered.
“I believe passive-aggression manifests more frequently among women because men are more likely to be directly aggressive. Outright aggression in women seems to be much more stigmatized than in men,” said E.
Through Corina’s practice, she also found a difference in gender culture of coping with conflict.
“...In my experience, it’s OK for men to be direct with each other and then they will go have a beer after work and get over it. That’s their culture. Women, however, are penalized for speaking up and being direct, which I think encourages more passive-aggressive behaviour in us,” said Corina.
Dr. Sandra Thomas, a leading name in anger issues, conducted a study on women’s anger over a span of 15 years across multiple cultures. Her findings corroborate E’s experience and Corina’s understanding on this matter. Dr. Thomas’ results also indicate themes of overarching powerlessness leading to the use of passive-aggressive methods (https://www.tandfonline.com/ doi/full/10.1080/07399330590 962636).
While this behaviour isn’t limited to one gender, social constructs have amplified its manifestations in one more than another. In workspaces, with power continuing to be held by one gender and a battle to reach the top without breaking social niceties has often led to the exhibition of passive-aggressiveness. Add to this gender-socialized norms around anger, women being penalized for being assertive and a culture of ostensible politeness, feminism had no choice but to employ passive-aggressive behaviour to combat workplace conflict.
But, toxicity – whether by accident or on purpose - has consequences. So, how does this impact society on a macro and micro level?
For E, it led to a series of health issues, eventually compelling them to leave their job.
“Personally, having experienced it, it affected my mental and physical health. In the most toxic work environment, I ended up being prescribed medication for anxiety even though I do not have an anxiety disorder. I dreaded going to work every day, knowing that my manager did not have my back or support directly addressing conflict in the workplace,” said E.
As a professional helping navigate difficult conversations, Corina believes that this phenomenon impedes innovation and productivity.
Academic research points to health impacts that include fluctuations in blood pressure and stress contributing to or causing numerous conditions such as insomnia, heart disease as well as depression and substance abuse. Poor employee health results in higher attrition, therefore affecting customer service and leading to fiscal repercussions for the organization as well as the larger economy.
Passive aggression has existed since time immemorial manifesting in all genders. However, due to cultural and social norms, it may be exhibited by one more than others.
A way to address this, as Dr. Sandra Thomas puts it, is to challenge gender socializations that include expression of anger and encourage difficult conversations.