Cheers & Jeers

Cheers: to television pitches. So, hear this out — a new reality show called “Bubble Troubles.” Watch as 12 different family groups decide who’s in — and more importantly, who’s out — as pandemic rules ease and single self-isolation bubbles are allowed to pick just one other bubble to join up with. Seriously, though: there’s going to be plenty of joy for those now allowed to see loved ones who have been out of reach for weeks, but there is also going to be continued loneliness and isolation for those who aren’t able to “bubble up.” It’s the last five kids left without a date at the Grade 7 dance all over again.

Jeers: to bad, bad, bad ideas. Remember your driving test? That stone-faced driving examiner with the clipboard, watching to see if you checked your mirrors, monitoring your speed, critiquing your lane changes? And finally, the white-knuckle challenge of actually parallel parking? Well, we understand it’s tough for teens who might want to get their driver’s licences right now, in the midst of a pandemic. But let’s not follow Georgia’s lead. That state has decided that, due to infection concerns about having driving examiners in cars, it will be dropping the driving test, and will allow parents to decide if their kids should get their licences. Now stop and think about how many cars and trucks you’ve seen that have drivers who don’t know how to use a turn signal, speed, and who blow through lights without a care in the world. “Yes, little Jimmy, of course you can have your licence. Why, you drive as well as I do!”

Cheers: to the good old days. Ah, wouldn’t it be better to have lived in years past? Here’s a scrap of information from documents put online by Memorial University’s Digital Archive Initiative, in particular, in the D’alberti Papers, vol. 07, 1797, outlining correspondence between the Colonial Office and the Governor’s Office in Newfoundland, talking about the condition of military food supplies: “The Pork we find to be rancid, stinking and unfit for use, owing as we imagine to its being badly cured and packed. The Butter we find to be rancid, stinking and unfit for use, owing as we imagine to its being badly cured and packed. The Beef we find also to be rancid, stinking and unfit for use, owing as we imagine to its being badly cured and packed. All of which provisions are said to be received from England in the British Queen Transport George Fair Master on the 2nd September last past, and which we have recommends to be immediately thrown into the sea …” The condemned food? In total, 4,480 pounds of pork, 120 pounds of butter, and 304 pounds of beef. That must have made quite the splash.