The pandemic is robbing our kids of real-world socialization
If you’ve noticed your kids are getting, well, a bit weird, it’s not your imagination. After five months with minimal to no contact with their peers, while many parents work, many children have retreated into digital universes of online schoolwork, Tiktok videos and video games. And they’re losing social skills.
“Lots of children are acting up because of loss of routine and structure which they need to thrive,” says Dr. Caroline Sullivan, a psychologist and co-director of the Child, Adolescent and Family Centre of Ottawa (CAFCO) and a professor at the University of Ottawa. Some are acting up to gain parental attention as parents are divided and stressed, she says.
Part of it is the extremes they’ve had to experience. Many kids went from being overscheduled — with gymnastics, soccer and hockey practices multiple times a week — to sitting at home solo. They have also lost out on overnight camps, which have been cancelled in many provinces, birthday parties, family reunions and many other social occasions.
The result is a bunch of undersocialized kids who have trouble looking people in the eye, speaking on the phone or even carrying on a conversation. “The lack of social connection is taking a toll and our children are feeling isolated and lonely,” says Sullivan. “Online socialization is not the same as you don’t have access to all the nonverbal cues and there is a lack of shared experiences.”
A study released by Children’s Mental Health Ontario (CMHO) finds that since the pandemic started, 59 per cent of parents surveyed reported behavioural changes in their children. These included emotional outbursts, irritability, trouble sleeping and sadness.
Sullivan says that the pandemic highlights exactly what children are missing due to COVID-19: socialization. She says schools and daycares offer kids a chance to socialize with same-aged peers, bond over shared experiences and learn how to behave in a diverse range of social situations. They also provide a sense of belonging, allow kids to practice assertiveness and problem solve, and build confidence. But since a lot of kids have been frozen in time since school ended, their social skills are not progressing.
“We are seeing a lot more anxiety, as children don’t know what to talk about when they interact with a peer due to a lack of experience,” says Sullivan.
According to Health Canada, kids should still continue to maintain as many social connections as possible, whether by texting, chatting online or on the phone with a friend. Now that many provinces have loosened restrictions on social distancing, kids can even see their friends if they belong to the same bubble.
Parents are also urged to reassure their kids that the pandemic will pass, to ask them what they miss, and focus on the things to be thankful for, according to CMHO. And they should cut their kids some slack when it comes to social behavior. After all, says Sullivan, “this is the greatest trauma they’ve ever faced.”