A hotrod in disguise
This wagon is the ultimate AMG for dog owners, not that it matters
If you suspect your significant other might become apprehensive about your interest in the Mercedes E63 S AMG Wagon, just tell them that it’s the ultimate AMG for dog owners, and that it would be perfect for the family pooch.
As a wagon, the low jumpin height makes for very easy access for smaller or aging canines, who will have plenty of wide, flat space to lounge in. The low, square-shaped cargo floor means you can vacuum out sand and hair with your household vacuum cleaner, as if it was your entrance way rug. The low cargo load-in also makes it easier for the kids to help with groceries – another selling point.
“But why does it have holes in the brakes?”
“Those are speed holes. They make the brakes stop faster. It’s a safety feature!”
That’s probably not why you’re buying an E63 wagon, of course.
I’d wager a princely sum that the E63 wagon is about a set of drag-radials away from being able to pull wheelies, right from the factory.
It’s got over 600 horsepower. It’ll do 0-60 kilometres per hour in three seconds on the nose. You can turn the front half of the AWD system off with a button-press, and the stability controls off with another. That’s maniac driftmode at the press of a button, for heaven’s sake.
Or, take your grandmother and the kids out on Sunday. Perhaps to church, where you can beg forgiveness for the week’s speed crimes.
See, the E63 wagon is a whole lot of different things– mostly, a fire-breathing psycho-wagon that accelerates fast enough to make your eyeballs feel funny, or, a totally sensible all-weather family hauler that just happens to have a rocket thruster stuffed under the hood.
It’s actually quite reasonable on fuel, too — provided you stay out of the twin turbo. Good luck.
There are a few things owners might have to get used to.
The biggest of these is Volkswagen GTI drivers, many of whom can detect rocket-wagons like the E63 at a great distance. If you see a GTI racing through traffic to catch up with you, don’t be alarmed — they just want to hear your exhaust.
The second thing is the exhaust.
If you like, it can be very peaceful, quiet, and mellow — with just a hint of that V8 rumble allowed to seep through the firewall. Press a button, and special flappies reconfigure the plumbing to make as much noise as possible. In its ‘loud’ setting, I figure the E63 sounds something like Godzilla clearing its throat, and the noise is incredibly addicting.
Do be careful, as it’s an addition that can have serious consequences for your wallet, in at least two ways I don’t need to elaborate on.
The third thing? Racecar noises.
Make no mistake — the E63 wagon isn’t a mere set of badges and punched-up engine. This long-roof runs the same suite of motorsports-validated technologies you’ll find on AMG’S most extreme performance cars. Seriously, it’s closer to a race-car disguised as a station wagon than you think.
So much so, that both the incredible tire noise on certain road surfaces, and the tendency of the front-end to bind and scrub during certain parking maneuvers, get a free pass, here.
That’s the price to pay for a station wagon that’ll smoke Shelbys, Hellcats, M3s, and
Corvettes all day long. Come to think of it, the novelty factor of smoking your buddy’s Hellcat in a station wagon is, in itself, probably worth the price of admission for some.specifically, that’s about $128,000 for starters, and $143,000 as tested. Stay in school, kiddos.
So, a lot of fun. Fun with the sound effects, fun with the ability to fully customize your own drive mode using little display-screen dials on the steering wheel, and fun to know your stately wagon won’t be outrun by just about anything on the road.
It’s the AMG driving experience in full: big torque, meaty sound effects, reardrive biased handling, and a quick, light and playful steering feel to direct it all around with impossibly small inputs. Plus, of course, the ability to fully fine tune virtually any driveline or suspension system setting to taste with gorgeous controls that fall to the tips of your fingers.
Said fingertips can also manipulate the AMG speedshift transmission, a ninespeed box, via the metal shift paddles mounted to the steering wheel. A nine-speed automatic with an automated clutch instead of a torque converter, this unit is built for fast launches and impossibly quick gearshifts — which it’s capable of hammering off at lightning speed with virtually no lash detectable from the driveline.
Approaching redline, the soundtrack is incredible, and V8 noises positively slather the cabin and all nearby scenery. Here, the instrumentation lights up like a big red pinball machine to warn you to grab the next gear. After all: it’s easy to forget this when it feels like you’re being body-checked in the chest, and given the rate at which the E63 consumes the forward scenery, you’ll need your eyes far up the road.
Clicking the left downshift paddle a few times with the exhaust in its loudest setting is a key part of the show. The response time and sound effects may leave some drivers reaching for a bib.
Anyways, during the odd three or four seconds of fullthrottle you get before arriving in demerit-point territory, it puts on a hell of a show.
Monster brakes with the giant drilled rotors get the E63 back to reality in quick order. They’re vaguer in traffic than some will like, but as the highest-performing brakes often tend to, these feel the most precise when drivers are digging deep into their capabilities.
They’re an excellent safety feature, too.
On dark highways at night, the LED lighting system is excellent when it comes to getting plenty of light up the way for early warnings of possible hazards.
Provided you’re not shy with the pedal, the E63 can pull down from highway speeds fast enough to leave you wondering how you didn’t go right through your seatbelt.
It would be a shame to leave a mess all over the beautiful cabin, after all. In fact, driving the E63 in the evening lets you see some of its very best design work.
Even with its racy intentions clearly advertised in the seats and stitching and carbon fibre, it remains a gorgeously assembled and very elegant looking cabin that makes an impression. Your passengers will be wowed when they look in here.
You’re seeing new and cutting-edge stuff, the latest display graphics and connectivity — everything is here, and it all looks brilliant. The first evening drive in your new E63 will be a very special one. Few interiors use lighting and colour to such dramatic effect.
In summation, the E63 S AMG Wagon is lovely to drive, psychotically fast, very handy, mostly comfortable enough for daily use, and can transition effortlessly from spanking Shelbys at the drag strip to the family ice-cream run in the blink of an eye.
Though tire noise levels and occasional race-car stuff during parking may be too much for some drivers, what we’ve got here is a rolling showcase of the latest AMG tech, deployed in a package that’s happy to comfortably haul people, cargo, and a whole lot of something else.