‘I feel I was failed by the justice system but I won’t be failed by myself’

Woman tells her story to help heal

Graphic content warning: This story contains details that may be disturbing to some readers.

In 2021, Emily was 21 years old and broken.

She’d been that way for three years, unable to pick up the pieces of her life while her exgirlfriend’s court trial loomed.

Three years of preparing herself to take the witness stand, only to be told of another postponement.

Three years of undergoing medical treatment for the lasting physical effects of what she had experienced.

Three years of living with the prospect of facing the woman charged with physically assaulting her and causing her bodily harm through sexual assault.

Emily had spent those years with her dustpan and superglue ready, waiting for the moment she could finally start sorting through the shards of herself and putting them back together.

She hoped that moment would come with the court verdict — but it didn’t.

ACQUITTAL

The trial ended with acquittals four months after it started. In a lengthy, detailed decision in which she reviewed the law regarding consent, reasonable doubt and other issues, a provincial court judge explained why she accepted that the activity leading to the charges had been consensual and that Emily’s injuries, which saw her requiring three blood transfusions and internal stitches, had happened accidentally.

Emily — whose real name and that of the woman formerly accused are protected by publication bans — has questions.

The thing that sticks out most in her memory of the trial is an exchange between her ex-girlfriend, Suzanne, and prosecutor Renee Coates. Suzanne had testified about visiting Emily in the hospital while keeping secret the reason for her injury.

“She asked me not to tell because she was afraid her parents would get mad at her or me,” Suzanne said, telling Coates she hadn’t divulged the information to doctors, even though Emily was “very lethargic,” out of respect for that request.

“So, if she had died, you wouldn’t have told anyone?” Coates asked.

“It would depend on if I was asked or not,” Suzanne answered.

“You would have told them only if you were asked?” Coates continued.

Suzanne answered, “Correct.”

‘MY HEART JUST DROPPED’

“That has stuck with me since then,” Emily says. “If I had died, she wouldn’t have even told anybody what happened? My heart just dropped. Knowing that I could have died and no one would have known the truth, my truth, doesn’t sit right with me.”

Emily and Suzanne, who were teenagers during their sixmonth relationship, testified they had been in Suzanne’s room watching TV the afternoon of the incident.

Emily described how she had refused Suzanne’s sexual advances before Suzanne had sexually assaulted her with her fist as she attempted to move away.

Suzanne testified the sexual activity had been consensual and she had stopped when Emily indicated it hurt.

Both women told the court how Emily had bled profusely.

SERIOUS INJURY

Emily’s parents called an ambulance later that night after she fainted. She spent days in the hospital, receiving blood transfusions and stitches to repair a five-centimetre tear in her vaginal wall, according to the treating gynecologist, who also testified.

Emily told the court she hadn’t disclosed to her parents or medical staff what had happened, out of fear of Suzanne, whom she said was prone to anger and had assaulted her in the past unprovoked.

LOST FAITH IN JUSTICE SYSTEM

“I find the accused was not aware of and did not foresee the risk of causing bodily harm,” Judge Lois Skanes said in acquitting Suzanne. “The injury was caused accidentally.”

“I put my whole faith and trust in the justice system to save me and to help me feel safe, because that’s what it’s there for,” Emily says. “You bring yourself forward, being so vulnerable. There wasn’t enough evidence, they say, as if my almost death wasn’t enough.

“I was already broken, but now I’m completely shattered.”

STILL RECEIVING TREATMENT

Emily still deals with the aftermath of the event and the trial.

She’s still undergoing medical treatment: she says her iron levels haven’t recovered from the blood loss and she receives regular iron transfusions, with no end to them in sight and extreme fatigue in the meantime.

She sometimes has physical pain from her injury, and the emotional pain is ongoing, though she has made progress.

“My whole life changed that day,” Emily says.

“I became someone I never was: I became afraid. I had to change my whole life and how I view the world, afraid to turn a corner, afraid to do things I love, afraid to see my friends and family, and most importantly, afraid to be me.”

Emily struggles with the idea that her evidence was just “a story” to the court, despite her willingness to testify and open herself up to crossexamination.

BETTER SUPPORT NEEDED

She wishes there was a way to avoid years of court delays, and that better support was in place for complainants in sexual assault cases.

She wishes there was a way for the court to order her exgirlfriend to have counselling based on the evidence it accepted as fact.

Emily has been in counselling and has found it helpful. She says she has worked hard to learn to trust in a romantic relationship again and she’s engaged to be married to her girlfriend of a few years. She has family support. She says she’s finally able to have hope for the future.

After years with her life on hold, Emily is shattered but finally feeling strong enough to start putting the pieces back together, even though she expects there may always be a few missing.

“The abuse defined me since I was 18 years old,” she says.

“I feel I was failed by the justice system but I won’t be failed by myself.”