Niagara Falls to host death cafe
ALISON LANGLEY Welcome to the death cafe. A death cafe is a group-directed discussion of death with no agenda, objectives or themes.
People, often strangers, gather to drink tea and coffee, nibble on baked goods and chat about death.
While popular in the United Kingdom and elsewhere in Europe, death cafes are relatively new to Canada.
“A death cafe is not a support group and it’s not counselling,” explained Merri-Lee Agar, who will be hosting a death cafe at Fairview Cemetery in Niagara Falls on Tuesday.
“It’s all about sitting down, having coffee and talking about what dying means to you. It’s a safe, non-judgmental space to explore feelings on death and dying.”
She said people generally do want to talk about death, however, there are no avenues available to facilitate such a discussion. A death cafe, she said, fills that void.
Agar is well-equipped to mediate the event. She has been a death doula for the past year and a half.
“A death doula is very similar to a birth doula in the sense that birth doulas provide guidance and knowledge and support through that whole journey,” the Niagara Falls woman explained.
“A death doula does the very same thing. We’re essentially death and dying guides to help support and empower people on their journey.”
Death doulas help to create and facilitate a ‘death plan.
“Much like someone could have a birth plan, people can have a death plan,” she said.
“All of this can contribute to the quality of life for the dying person and their loved ones as they feel more prepared and by having communicated their wishes, it eliminates unanswered questions, guess work and fear in the moment.”
A death doula helps the dying to capture their life, however way they want to be remembered, through what is referred to as legacy
Death Cafe
When: Tuesday 7 p.m. to 9 p.m. Where: Fairvew Cemetery, Stanley Avenue, Niagara Falls
work.
“This could be done through an album, a memory box, scrolls, video, audio, story telling or a combination, or writing letters or cards for special occasions to be opened by loved ones at a later date,” Agar explained.
“All of these examples can help bring healing and peace to the dying and help eliminate fear of being forgotten or simply ceasing to exist once they die.
Agar said her mother’s death journey inspired her to become a death doula.
“She wanted to die at home so my sister and I and my father were able to provide that support along with a nurse that helped us and told us what to expect,” she recalled. “I saw the peace it gave her, knowing she had the support and was able to die the way she wanted to.
“With her dying the way she wanted to, it gave us so much peace as well and helped us on our healing journey.”
After attending a number of death cafes in the Toronto area, Agar decided to host one at her home.
“After the cafe, the first thing I heard was ‘When is the next one?’” she recalled.
That’s when she contacted Mark Richardson, manager of cemetery services with the City of Niagara Falls, whom she had met earlier when he spoke at a natural death expo about the city’s development of a green/natural burial section at Fairview on behalf of the Green Burial Society of Canada.
“At the expo, there was much discussion about death cafes which offer an opportunity for people to openly speak about death openly in a supportive and comfortable environment,” he said.
“I think it’s an amazing opportunity to create a platform to open up discussions of a topic that many of us avoid until absolutely necessary.”
Recognizing the opportunity to collaborate, Richardson offered the recently-renovated space at Fairview Cemetery for use for a death cafe.
“I feel this is a great opportunity to educate about the many options available, including green burials with respect to end of life choices,” he said.
Tuesday’s death cafe will be held 7 p.m. to 9 p.m. The event is free to attend but seating is limited. To register, call 905-3270995 or email info@souljourneyshealing.ca.
Agar hopes to develop an ongoing death cafe series and offer death cafes on a bimonthly basis.