Unhappy husband finds his lies catching up with him

Dear Amy: I have been married for almost 40 years. My wife and I have three grown children. There is nothing left in the marriage, except for my kids and grandchildren.

The only reason I am still in the marriage is because of them.

I caught my wife cheating on me a couple of times, and after that I decided to do my own thing, but keep the family together.

I met a beautiful woman on a dating site and we fell in love.

My problem is that I have lied to her about my age. I told her I am 50 (I am 60, and she is 42). I’ve also lied about my marital status. It was only supposed to be for some fun at the beginning, which is why I thought the lies would not matter.

When we met, she said she didn’t want to go out with a married man, so I lied about it.

I think the only thing to do is break it off with her, which will leave a big hole in my heart when she is gone. — Torn

Dear Torn: You present your lies as a matter of circumstance — almost as if you have been forced to fabricate everything about yourself by outside forces, but all of your lies represent individual choices you have made.

I fail to see how the way you are living your life honors the thing you claim to want to protect, which is your family.

I am sorry that you will have a hole in your heart when you break off your adulterous relationship, but I believe this hole is already there, and has been for a long time. You are attempting to fill this void in your life with a series of fabrications. Very little in your life seems “real” or authentic.

The way out is to start to deal with what is real. You could start with your marriage. Either you should end it or commit to it. A therapist could help guide you through your many choices, but nothing in your life will change until you change.

ASK AMY