Teen girl worries about family’s future

Dear Amy: I am a teenage girl stuck in a dysfunctional household.

My parents can’t stand the sight of each other. They complain about the other one to me and my younger brother. All of this has taken a mental and emotional toll on us.

I have developed pretty strong anger issues and have broken many doors and light switches, becoming enraged when my parents scream at each other. My brother has panic attacks due to this, and I am often the one consoling him during their heated arguments.

I can’t sit them down and ask if they can divorce; my dad barely makes enough money to cover our tuition, and I can’t hurt them like that.

I leave for college in two years, but the thought of leaving my brother behind brings me to tears.

I really need some sort of guidance and advice.

— TROUBLED TEEN

Dear Troubled: I am so sorry that your home life is like this. Every kid deserves better, and yet sadly many homes are like yours.

If you have a favourite teacher, librarian or counselor at school, it could really help to talk this out, and receive supportive guidance from an adult.

You and your brother should dive into every outside activity you can. This achieves multiple objectives: minimizing your time in the household, developing expertise and hobbies (and hopefully having fun) and forming relationships with people who will be in your corner.

You and your brother should write a letter to your parents. Work on it together. Describe exactly how their behaviour makes you feel — how scared, angry and vulnerable you feel when they fight with each other, and how wrong it is for them to trash each other to you two. Ask them to stop.

In terms of your brother’s future, first of all — thank you for being a brave protector and a champion to him. If things at home don’t change, or if they get worse, it might be best for him to live elsewhere. Don’t keep this a secret — friends or other family members might offer him a safe haven once you’ve left the household.

ASK AMY