Mother’s cancer gets in the way of a wedding

Dear Amy: Last April my mother was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer.

This past Labor Day,

I got engaged.

Now my fiancee and I are trying to make our wedding plans.

I would like to get married sooner rather than later, as my mother’s prognosis is not great.

My fiancee would like more time to plan our wedding

— and enjoy the process.

I fully understand this, and would like to have more time myself.

In addition, her parents are paying the majority of the wedding costs, and are worried about losing a deposit if something happens. Any advice? — CONFUSED FIANCE

Dear Confused: I can think of another person who would like to have more time to “enjoy the process,” and that is your mother.

I ( almost) hate to do this, but I have a rhetorical question for you: What kind of person is this woman you are planning to marry, who gets engaged — already knowing that her future mother- in- law has pancreatic cancer — but doesn’t feel compelled to do everything possible to make sure her beloved’s mother will be able to attend and enjoy the wedding?

And here’s your answer:

The person who was raised by people who are worried about losing their deposit “if something happens.”

And so — if in the face of this information about your future family — you still want to marry into the clan, then you should lobby to have this wedding sooner, rather than later. But I think this life- anddeath episode has revealed something very important about them, and I hope you will pay close attention.

ASK AMY