Woman wants happiness tips

Dear Amy: I’m a 28- year- old woman. Until recently, I was building the life of my dreams. I was a musician, travelling around America in a Volkswagen bus with my boyfriend and bandmates, climbing up the ladder of success.

I was putting every fibre of who I was into this dream, and inspiring other people. Then, my mother became terminally ill due to complications from alcoholism. I went home and shared a few beautiful, heartbreaking months with her.

My boyfriend decided he needed to “find himself” while I was away. He found himself a yoga instructor. He was my family, my crutch, my career and he left me when I needed him.

Out of so much hurt and anger I decided I needed to step away. I came home to get back to my roots. I’ve made dinner and gone out dancing with my girlfriends. I’ve chopped wood and talked with my dad. I’ve reconnected with an old lover who gives me foot rubs every night. I’ve attained some normalcy.

The problem is I haven’t been able to sing, perform or write a song in months. I am terrified to do it.

It seems as though I am doomed to always be half happy. Amy, how do you attain complete happiness?

— GLASS HALF EMPTY

Dear Half Empty: The path to complete happiness does not run through a real life, like yours ( and mine), because in an ordinary life — stuff happens. Boyfriends find yoga instructors; parents die.

I’ve experienced both of these scenarios — many of us have. These experiences will eventually deepen your understanding of your role in the human comedy. But first, you have to survive.

Given the challenges in your life ( your mother’s alcoholism; your various losses), you might benefit from talking to a counsellor. Also do some deep reading. Poetry by Mary Oliver and Maggie Smith will help. Joni Mitchell also has things to say to you.

The ticket is to be kind to yourself, to be a good guardian to your own health and to figure out how to put the music back into your life.

Like you, I also experienced the loss of music during a grief experience. For now, do not force yourself to write or make music. DO force yourself to listen to music, preferably live. Bring some tissues and a notebook, because some tears — and ideas — might flow. Take notes.

ASK AMY