Monique, Shank and a loving community
Family and friends come to family’s aid
‘May you always do for others, and let others do for you’ - Bob Dylan, Forever Young “I’m blessed.”
“We’re blessed.”
Words heard often from the mouths of Monique Coutu and husband Michael (Shank) Petrachenko.
She has amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS) or Lou Gehrig’s Disease as it is more commonly known.
“We have our moments, both of us,” Shank said about Monique’s diagnosis over breakfast one morning. “We live in the moment because the reality is so horrific. But what are you going to do, are you going to spend your time sulking about it?”
I asked how he can be so upbeat. “I’m a Petrachenko — I’m a Petrachenko,” he said.
Last August at a council meeting, he announced he was resigning his Ward 5 seat to spend more time with Monique. The news about her health was not widelyknown until then.
When we talked about a story, we agreed it was not to be a tearjerker about what was happening to Monique. It would be about a project to enhance their quality of life and about the people making it happen.
It would be about the power of community, the bonds of friendship.
The project was a full-scale renovation of the garage at their Moore Road home. It was being converted to a bedroom and bathroom, the latter easily-accessible and obstacle-free for Monique’s wheelchair.
The construction team was a mix of skilled tradespeople and long-time friends, far more of the latter, who came in varieties: semi-skilled, unskilled, well meaning.
Like a good sports team manager, Shank had a roster of the players.
He made reference notes behind their names, things like: massive construction skills and tools; high construction skills and tools; wicked construction skills and ideas; the overseer; pushing broom, Go fer; jack of all trades; flooring expert; good at mudding and taping; has plumbing ticket; will show up when he damn well pleases. And others. •••
In phone interviews, I spoke with a handful of the volunteer crew about how they got involved, why they got involved and their takeaways from the project.
Randy Orosz said he is a longtime friend of Monique and Shank. His roots, and Shank’s, are in the once tight-knit neighbourhood known as Welland South — Broadway and the many streets that branch off it. Their friendship goes back decades.
“I’m one of the huckleberries, I don’t have a lot of construction expertise. So I go to the job and do what I’m told,” said Orosz, recently retired from Eastdale Secondary School. The news about Monique was devastating to many. “Now everybody wants to chip in, even if it’s just in a small way. Doing this we can help maintain a quality of life for Monique.”
Orosz said he was also drawn to the project because of the sense of community that is such a powerful force in Welland. “What a feeling that is. Knowing that you have a community of friends you can count on for whatever and whenever.”
Ray Fontaine, a contractor by profession and Coutu family friend, was happy to get involved after being contacted by Shank, who ran a reno suggestion by him. Fontaine is credited with coming up with the concept.
He was impressed by how response to the project snowballed into a movement.
“Everybody wants to help out. I said to people: You want to help out? The best way is to donate your time. We talked about doing it on weekends, other guys stepped up and said they would come in on weekdays. My phone was ringing off the hook. Mike surrounds himself with very good people.”
He met the Petrachenkos through a group of friends who play recreational hockey and baseball. The more he knew about them the more he was impressed: “They were always the first to help anybody out. They’ve got big hearts, that’s the way they are. Tragedies can happen to anyone. Those of us who can, have to step up and give a hand up as the saying goes.”
The project was bigger than some thought. For example, the floor had to be raised because the garage floor was sunken. The new space had to be insulated, equipped with a special shower, toilet, waterproofed and all the other bricks and mortar-type work a reno involves, said Fontaine, who was project overseer.
Paul Brunet, a retired teacher from Stamford High School, has been “good friends” with Shank and Monique for a long time.
When they found out about Monique’s diagnosis, Brunet and his wife “sat and cried.”
When he showed up at the construction site, “It was powerfully amazing to see. Some guys were happy just to hold tools, other guys who were more adept did the actual construction jobs. Everyone there came with the same attitude as me — what can I do to help? It was a cast of thousands.” Well, maybe not thousands, Paul.
Brunet said he got involved for one reason: “Because they are my friends and I would do anything for them.”
Wayne Nelson has been tight with the Petrachenkos for years. “Shank went to Welland High, I went to Eastdale, Monique went to Confederation. But it didn’t stop us from being friends.”
He showed up at the house to help whenever needed. “I’m a jack of all trades and master of none,” he said. “I’m not what you call handy but I have two hands that are willing.”
A volunteer with the St. Vincent de Paul Society here in town, Nelson believes doing for others is a force that holds a community together.
“As a society, that’s what we should do. I do it because I want to do it. If you can help out a friend, then it’s up to you to help out that friend.”
Bob Kraliz traces a 50-plus year friendship with Shank to childhood days in Welland South.
“There’s something about Welland South that grows and reinforces friendships. It’s not bulls—t, it’s true. It’s Welland South.”
He and Shank meet on occasion at the neighbourhood hangout, For Pizza’s Sake for a beer or two, even though they no longer live in the ‘hood. A certified electrician, Kraliz looked after the electrical at the construction project. Semi-retired, he no longer works full time “so I have the time to give, and it feels good to give.
“It’s just nice to see when you have this many people involved and offering their help. You know, it makes me feel good at the end of the day when I sit down and have my brew, my Steamwhistle.”
Michael Hodgson, another Welland Souther, said he went to St. Augustine Catholic School and Shank attended Welland South Public School. They both attended Welland High where they “bonded for life.”
“I grew up on the other side of the tracks in Welland South, on Riverside Drive. But we called it the right side of the tracks,” he joked.
At the job site, Hodgson said his role was that of “a support guy, a cheerleader. I know talent when I see it, those guys have talent so I tried my best not to get in their way. I’m not Mr. Handyman, that’s for sure. Framing a room, you don’t want me doing that!”
Hodgson said he believes people have a moral obligation to help others when a need arises. He said, “When we found out it was ALS, it was tough. I almost had to hang up the phone. Nobody deserves this but it does happen and you have to deal with it any way you can. So you get involved and hope to make things better for these people and their family, people who have given to the community. Now it’s their turn.”
Mike Carreau said he heard about the project “through the grapevine” so he just showed up on his own. His home is on Becken Crescent, not far from the Petrachenkos.
Carreau said he pitched in with whatever was needed. “I’m a helper. I’m like, what is it you need me to do? And I did it.”
His big takeaway from getting involved was unbounded admiration for Monique.
“I can’t get over Monique. Her strength is amazing. I look at her and I have to shake my head. Wow, that’s strength.”
•••
Monique, 59, is a former dialysis nurse. She retired in May, 2016. She received her diagnosis the following year.
“I’m quite overwhelmed really,” she said during an interview. “We have friends, family, even people we don’t know helping here. I have to say I’m the luckiest woman in the world.”
She knows it is important not to wallow in a diagnosis. “If you think about it, it can get pretty depressing. You have to change your way of thinking. You don’t think of the future, you take it one day at a time.”
It’s important to recognize the reno project involved more than “sweat equity,” she said.
There was the “meal train,” with folks bringing in food three times a week or more. There was always more than enough to eat for the workers. She is so appreciative.
“Our friends are doing all the work. People donate their time,” she said.
“Time is so precious to everybody and here they are, donating all this time to us. It’s very humbling.”
Then there’s Shank. “Shank is amazing,” she said. “He’s supportive in everything. Our kids (Maverick, 22 and Savannah, 25) are supportive. I feel really blessed that I have the family I do and the friends I do.”
Monique said there are life lessons to be learned from what has been going on at the house with the reno project.
“I try to instil in our kids: Look what’s happening here. I want you to be part of something like this for someone, if it ever comes up for you. How you can help someone without ever expecting anything back. I hope my family will pick up that torch and help their fellow man.”
Shank, 62, has similar feelings. “Our friends and family have come to the forefront. What are you left with in life, but family and friends. I don’t take it lightly, it makes me feel blessed.”
They moved into the new bedroom and bathroom two days before Christmas.
They rave about the work that was done with both saying it more than meets Monique’s needs. We last visited with them in mid-February and were struck by the ‘wow’ factor.
Much is going on in their lives, including of course being proactive about ALS. They visited family in California late last year. They went to Costa Rica for a holiday recently and now, another visit to California.
They said Maverick and wife Amanda are moving into the home’s second floor. Maverick and Amanda have a baby on the way. Monique said plans call for the baby to be born at home.
Life goes on.
Monique and Shank. They are blessed.
‘‘ Our friends and family have come to the forefront. What are you left with in life, but family and friends.