Worried about the baby
Q. I’m concerned about my daughter’s eight-month-old baby. Several family members have also asked me if he’s OK.
He doesn’t make eye contact and is always looking up and his eyes are crossed. He doesn’t hold his head up well and physically doesn’t do much.
I’ve gently suggested to my daughter to get his eyes checked and that he might have something wrong with his neck. Our family doctor saw him and said there was no need for him to be seen by a pediatrician. This doctor is well known for not sending patients to specialists when the patient asks.
He only gave him a needle and said that the baby has full range of motion in his neck.
How do I get my daughter to see what everyone else sees and push for him to get seen by a proper doctor?
If I say anything more she’ll stop talking to me and will end contact. I don’t want to lose either one of them. I don’t want to ignore this either.
There may be something severely medically wrong. I love him no matter what, but if he can be helped, he needs early detection. Severe autism is a concern.
A. A grandmother’s life experience and wisdom can help a young mother be proactive in seeking medical information for her child’s well-being. Or, it can be dismissed as part of mother-daughter stress and divides.
An internet search about crossed eyes in babies will reveal that it’s not uncommon and still normal in many cases, for babies’ eyes to be crossed in the early months of life and to straighten out by the end of the first year. Still, you’re correct that it’s worth noting and getting more informed. If the eyes don’t straighten out, the condition causing it can and should be treated.
If the family doctor remains resistant after a year, a specialist should be seen. Or the mother can take the baby to a hospital for that examination. Meanwhile, make sure your heightened concern about “se- vere autism” is more about the baby than your relationship with your daughter.
Avoiding marriage
Feedback: Regarding the divorced man who’s terrified that the next woman will deplete his finances again (July 14):
“When researching the law (for my legal separation/divorce agreement), I concluded that the only way a guy can protect himself is to not get married.
“And also avoid a common-law marriage if she moves in with you, through a cohabitation agreement, charging her rent, never referring to her as your wife (or allowing her to refer to you as her husband), no joint finances and not letting her contribute to home expenses outside of rent.
“Otherwise, the moment you marry or live common-law, you give someone much control over you, your assets, and the ability to mess with the custody of your kids.
“You don’t need to be married to be in a loving long-term relationship. I’m in one right now.”
A. Yech! I say that not because I’m a woman, but because I don’t believe that it’s a loving act when a woman or a man so calculatingly takes steps assuring that a union can end with a click of a mouse — and no responsibilities on either side.
Bedwetting cause
Feedback: Regarding seeking help for child/teen bed-wetters (June 27):
Reader: “My son began wetting his bed at age seven.
It became part of our home life. We were tolerating it for about a year when I caught an episode of ‘60 Minutes’ and the question, ‘Does Your Child Snore?’ appeared.
“So much information came out of that episode and we were able to make a connection between the snoring, the bedwetting, and a dental exam when four root canals were required.
“The cause was sleep apnea due to his oversized tonsils being relaxed, blocking his airway, and preventing saliva from passing during his rest. It turned out that his bed wetting was actually saving his life ... it was his body’s way of waking him up to breathe.
“Our doctor scheduled him for surgery almost immediately and he never wet the bed again.”