Yoga teacher lust: Ask Ellie
I’m 37, a mother of two very active young sons in primary grades, in a two-income marriage and very busy scheduling taking the kids to their swimming lessons, basketball and hockey games.
My outlet from the stress of balancing work, kids and household is yoga. I joined a club and am committed to the classes. That’s how the trouble started. The yoga teacher took an interest in me, which I initially thought was just kind and helpful.
But I foolishly agreed to stay late after an evening class “to talk.” I’m ashamed to admit I ended up letting him kiss and fondle me, until I suddenly snapped to reality and bolted.
I love my husband and don’t want to end my marriage. I’m terrified he’ll find out somehow and be devastated. I’ve been cool with the instructor since, rushing away after class, and he’s got the message. What should I do to assure it’ll never be known? Why did I even let it happen?
A. Find another yoga club. There’s no way to assure that he won’t talk about you or try again while you’re still in his sights. You had a moment of dangerous distraction from your main goals. Consider it an escapist moment of lust — something you’d feel very hurt by if you discovered that your husband was in a similar incident.
Time to look closer at your overscheduled life. Talk to your husband about this. Perhaps you’re both overly hyped about your children’s achievements at this stage, instead of focusing on just one or two of their interests. You’d both benefit from seeing a counsellor to discuss ways to make your marriage and parenting more about togetherness with a more relaxed schedule.
Also, develop your network of friendship and support with other busy mothers who rely on each other for relaxing and sharing common concerns.
Cannabis and teen smoking
Feedback: Regarding the column about cannabis use (Sept. 15):
“If teens are interested in marijuana they’re probably already using it! I live two blocks from a well-respected private school. Regularly, there are small groups of teenage boys smoking marijuana in the alley behind my house. I’m a huge supporter of cannabis, in my 70s, severely allergic to many pharmaceuticals. Cannabis has never given me respiratory issues like the vast amounts of second-hand cigarette smoke going into the lungs of seniors and children in this city.” Ellie:
E-cigarettes, vaping and JUUL are part of the never-ending entrepreneurial quest for a new money-making craze, especially among youth and adolescents. Yet, according to the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) JUUL products, with their aerosol mix of chemicals, nicotine, and fruit flavourings, deliver a higher concentration of nicotine than some other types of e-cigarettes. The latter have cartridges filled with nicotine and other chemicals, which turn into a vapour or steam that a person inhales. Back to cannabis — I’m in support of legalization, for adults, and especially for people like you for whom marijuana, smoked or ingested, offers major health benefits compared to other drugs, especially when replacing extremely addictive pain relievers.
Asperger’s in adults
Feedback: Regarding the woman whose husband’s all-consuming “hobby” leaves her lonely (Sept. 18):
Reader: “Note the characteristics of her husband’s behaviour and attitude which she described. They include: intensity and focus (obsession) with a topic or activity; inflexibility about schedule and anger at disruption of routines; issues with socializing; spending “all their money” on the object of his focus. These are the hallmarks of Asperger Syndrome (AS). Sadly, this situation is very familiar to me in my marriage. There’s a dearth of resources for adults, and even less support for wives and husbands of these people. So many readers would benefit from learning about this.”
Ellie: Many thanks for highlighting the need for further understanding and resources for adults with Asperger’s. The symptoms vary greatly. But an interest in one or two narrow topics is common.