Being a ‘Ladies’ Man’ is not always a bad thing
Dear Readers: One letter-writer’s described relationship issue draws responses about readers’ totally different lived experiences and reactions.
Readers’ Commentary Regarding a husband being a “ladies’ man” who socializes only with women, not men (May 25):
Reader No. 1: “I just read about my ex-husband! That was him to a tee!
“What I eventually discovered is that he was a prolific cheater, seeking his next catch. All that charming behaviour of his wasn’t harmless, as I’d been told to believe.
“The reason he didn’t have as many male friends is because he didn’t want to charm them and had little use for them. All he wanted was adoration from females and hopefully some extra-circular activity with them.
“I’m grateful now for the lessons I learned — yes, the hard way — but I promise you I’ll never fall for that again.
“My current husband is loyal and all his attention is on me, just me. I love it!”
Reader No. 2: “My husband of 46 years has always been more comfortable with women than men.
“Professionally, he developed better friendships with his female colleagues. Why?
“My husband’s a kind, compassionate, gentle, thoughtful and highly intelligent person. He has nothing in common with people who are competitive, macho or believe they’re superior in any way to their fellow humans.
“This latter behaviour was unfortunately all too prevalent among his male counterparts, when he began his career 50 years ago.
“He quickly discovered that his female colleagues were generally more interested in having meaningful discussions and exchanges of ideas, rather than which team won what game the night before.
“Over the years, he’s developed far more wonderful friendships with women, than with men.
“Do I object if he has lunch with them? No. I trust him completely.
“He’s an honourable man who loves me. We share a wonderful life together, and if that’s enriched by his contact with his friends, female or male, we both benefit.
“We share the belief that good friends are to be cherished, regardless of gender.” Reader No. 3: (This one is from a man) “I’ve gravitated to women all my life. “I’ve always been sports-minded, though hopeless at team sports.
“My wife of almost 50 years has never criticized that nor shown the slightest concern.
“I assumed that I prefer women’s company because I grew up in a single-parent household, with a talented older sister and never had a problem with her success.
“There was a disappointing father, who never fulfilled his duties. I didn’t go to his funeral.
“More recently, a memory resurfaced from childhood that gave me more insight. I’d been molested as a young child by a family “friend” and also as a young choirboy, by another friend.
“As a child, I assumed that was the price you paid, the experiences were brief, and apparently I can’t keep a secret.
“I also realized that at an all-boys’ school, bullying was a factor, especially for a child from a non-violent household, with no rough-housing.
“Add to that, in later years, rather useless step-fathers.
“My male friends have always been men I had a physical or intellectual superiority over, who can be (and sometimes still are) discarded as I see fit.
“I don’t do locker rooms, stag nights, strip clubs, pub crawls or gym camaraderie.
“So some men may not be ‘Ladies’ Men’ so much as they just aren’t ‘Men’s Men.’ ” Ellie’s tip of the day
A “ladies man” may be a player disguised as a charmer, a loving husband who appreciates quality regardless of gender, or a boy who became wary of men.