Working hard for bragging rights on opening day

THE OTHER DAY I was bass fishing on opening day with my best buddy in the entire world. He’s a prince of a guy who, for the purposes of this article, we’ll call Idiot.

I was really looking forward to this trip.

Things were going very well in the boat too. We launched with the plug in and no major mishaps. Nothing was forgotten at home. He paid for gas and coffee.

But then he pulled a classic bonehead move. He accidentally caught the biggest fish of the day – on his third cast.

As any angler knows, this is a rookie mistake.

Catching the biggest fish of the day, so early in the day, only leads to disappointment for all involved. Quite frankly, it’s also impolite.

OK, it allows the angler that did this to rest on

his laurels, remain smug, and dispense unwanted angling advice, but it also puts that angler at risk of accidentally falling overboard when the guy who owns the boat starts and guns the motor when he is off guard and standing up.

Unfortunately, that didn’t happen that day, but only because unexpected circumstances prevented it.

Instead, we fished from 7 a.m. to 2:30 p.m., when we quit for the day, without catching a bigger fish. And, in that time, very few intelligent words were spoken. That is to say that Idiot did all the talking.

He babbled on about how nice it was to get out and what a wonderful summer day it was. I, on the other hand, was too busy trying to catch a fish of equal proportion to respond, civilly at least.

The good news is that in the last five minutes of our trip, I caught a fish about the same size. Our trip was supposed to go until 4, but since we were only five minutes from the launch, and I caught a bragging sized fish to even the score, it didn’t.

Even so, when we got home and began filleting those two fish, we discovered his fish was larger by a full half inch.

Sadly, I now have to live with the fact that Idiot caught a bigger bass than I did on opening day. This means two things. First, he will not fish with me again this year – despite my constant begging. Second, he will continually remind me of how he got a bigger fish last time we fished together, right up until we fish together on opening day next year.

In response, I will argue that my fish, though a halfinch shorter was thicker in girth and much more fresh since I skillfully delayed catching it ’til near the end of the trip.

He will likely tell me this is hogwash and my fish was pure luck. To which I will respond that catching a fish while trying to start an outboard motor while your Idiot fishing partner is off guard and standing, is as valid a technique as any.

This debate, because we are best buddies, will get virulent and continue throughout the fishing season. He’ll go on about his “fantastic fish” and I’ll remind him that I did the polite thing by catching a heavier fish a mere half inch shorter.

And so it will continue until we fish together on opening day next year.

I’m really looking forward to the trip.