Doing what’s necessary for the love of trout

ON SATURDAY, ONTARIO’S GENERAL trout season begins.

This has got me thinking that trout sure do have it easy these days.

You see, when I was a kid, we used worms and barbed hooks and bobbers and any trout we caught that was remotely edible was thrown in the creel or on a forked stick.

Sometime between then and now however, the concept of catch and release really caught on.

In fact, if you were to post a photo of trout on a stringer or in a creel these days, you’d be sure to take abuse from most trout anglers – at least those who fly fish. It’s apparently sacrilege not to let them go.

It didn’t end there either. Sometime after catch and release caught on, barbless hooks gained popularity. These were intended to make it easier to release fish and to leave cleaner holes in their darling little mouths.

Now, barbless hooks are required by law in many fishing areas. And, again, there are some anglers who look at you as a sadistic

barbarian if you use hooks with, god forbid, barbs, even if you are using them in areas where they are allowed.

As if that weren’t enough, a few years ago, when taking digital photos of fish became a thing, there was a push to only bring fish out of the water briefly for a quick photo. We were told to hold them gently with wet or gloved hands before reviving and releasing them too.

Now we have the latest trend called “keep them wet.” Proponents of this philosophy would prefer if an angler never raised a caught fish out of the water at all, as fish that are treated this way are even less stressed and more likely to survive when released.

I’m having a hard time with this one since, every now and then, I actually like to strike one of those Lion King poses with the fish raised above my head. Having said that OK, if it’s good for the fish, I’ll try it.

But I will only try it, if those people who invented keep it wet will try my latest trout conservation technique. It is one I have been perfecting for years now.

I call it using the wrong fly.

Look, barbless hooks, catch and release, and keep them wet are all fine for as far as they go. But if you really want to help your local trout population, do what I do – use a fly that not even the dumbest brook trout would take a lunge at.

I spent much of last fishing season experimenting with gaudy flies and towards the end of the season found that a fly that imitated a 95-pound Rottweiler was best, although I’ll admit it was difficult to cast on a 5 weight rod.

The results were worth it, however. As soon as that thing and its studded leather collar splashed in a calm trout pool, every fish in the place would flee into the undercut banks and remain there, totally uncatchable for at least three hours. I never had to handle a single fish during the time I used that fly.

Many of my angler friends and even perfect strangers fishing nearby have yelled, “We’ll never get our hands on any fish here because of that guy!”

To which I say, “You’re welcome.”

I expect Trout Unlimited might give me some special award soon.

Like I say, trout have never had it so good.