Nature can add a sense of urgency when it gets competitive

THIS MORNING I READ a story about a marathon runner who recently claimed to outrun two black bears. Having watched many black bears sprint off into parts unknown, I can’t help but wonder how this could even happen.

As anyone who has even witnessed it knows, bears are a surprisingly fast animal for short distances.

On the other hand, marathon runners are slow and steady for long distances.

On the surface, it appears that the bears should have caught up to the man.

And they would have, too, if not for the motivation factor.

It goes something like this.

The bears probably looked at the marathon runner and noticed that he looked kind of tough and scrawny. These long distance athletes, after all, are essentially skin, bones, tight muscles and sinew. Oh and they are covered in sweat too. You’ve got to admit that doesn’t exactly sound appetizing and certainly not something an alpha predator would put on the afterburners for – unless it was desperate.

Conversely, the runner had plenty of motivation. No one wants to end up being the blue plate special.

Besides, one bear in pursuit is typically enough to make most normal people achieve speeds that would make Usain Bolt envious. Two bears in pursuit generally causes sonic booms and land speed records to be broken.

Heck, I once got startled by a bigger than average black squirrel and did the hundred metres in 8 seconds. It would have been faster had it not been up a sheer cliff.

Obviously, these two differences in motivation worked in the favour of the runner. And that’s a good thing.

Having said this, I’ve got to wonder if we could make the Olympics, or track and field in general, a little more exciting by incorporating large predatory animals. We could place cheetahs behind runners for the short sprinting events and angry rogue elephants for the longer stuff. Heck, and why not have athletes pole vault over a moat filled with Nile crocodiles?

Have we learned nothing from the ancient Romans? The spectators would love it, especially, if we included a few lions.

The only issue with all of this is that we would have to create a new class of records. For instance, there would be the standard high jump record and the high jump record with vicious dog. Of course, you would have to watch those Russians because you just know they would probably use performance enhancing animals like dogs with rabies or skunks.

But can you imagine the 440-metre butterfly stroke with great white sharks? Talk about a nail-biter.

I guess the realization I’ve just come to is that a lot of animals are skilled at making us run.

In the old days before we got all civilized, if you wanted to work out all you had to do was go for a walk near a hungry pack of wolves. If you found the right animals, you’d very likely get a chance to sprint, swim and do a chin up on a low tree branch. And there would be no annual fees!

As for that marathon runner, I’m so happy that he lived to tell about that chase. But, between you and me, I also feel like he probably wasn’t in that much danger to begin with. This happened in summer and there is a ton of bear food in the woods for the taking.

And, let’s be honest, there are not many creatures who enjoy fast food.