Great shots that never happened

THIS WEEK I’LL BE heading to duck camp for a few days. In that time, I will be hanging out with my oldest friends – who also happen to be family – and we will hunt ducks, tell stories and probably do it all wearing shorts and tee shirts. Apparently, it’s going to be hot.

I only mention the heat because it will probably mean that we will hunt less than normal and spend more time telling stories and re-living the old days, since, as a group, we have been at it for 41 years. And though those of us in the original gang have heard all the stories countless times, the youngest in our group, my son included, have only heard the stories seven or eight times. That’s OK, though, because not one of us has ever heard a single story told in the same way twice.

The evolution of a duck camp story goes like this.

Actual version: Three wood ducks cupped into the decoys. I got one on the way in and the other another on the way out. The third was too far out to shoot.”

Actual version plus six hours: “Three wood ducks swept in with the wind at their back out of nowhere. I shot the first one from the hip and shot the second

one on the way out, also from the hip. I let the third go, because, how many ducks do you need?”

Actual version plus two days: “Three wood ducks were flying 60 miles an hour through the fog. I heard wing beats approaching and calmly put down my coffee, loaded my shotgun, took a casual shot, dropping the first bird in the blind. Then I called the other bird back and shot it and then caught it as it fell. I could have taken the third, but I am a conservationist.”

Actual version plus one duck season: “I was shaving in the duck blind when I noticed three wood ducks approaching in the reflection of my mirror. Interesting side note, I have never heard a duck break the sound barrier until that morning. Naturally, I didn’t have time to put the mirror down so I picked up my shotgun and shot the first by sighting with the mirror. Then as the second bird flew off, I called it back using what I had learned in my offseason study of the wood duck language, and it spun around behind me to my mirror side and I made a nice crossing shot on it at 60 yards. I then called in the third bird twice but didn’t shoot it because it wasn’t banded like the other two. Plus, I thought that this one is now educated, so he can teach other ducks so that future hunts are a bit more challenging.”

After that, the stories start to get a little farfetched and very often include things like wrestling bears for the duck you shot or that time a flock of ducks declared war and charged.

I won’t lie to you, this gets a little confusing for the new duck hunters in our camp. I mean, outside of duck camp our kids were taught that we, as parents and uncles, were nothing if not credible. Now, they enter camp and they see this has all been a façade.

Or, if we raised them right, they’ll believe us.

I’m happy to say, my own boy has never expressed any doubt. But, just in case, I am packing a shaving mirror.