Glamourous power to the people
AS I WRITE THIS we are experiencing a power outage so large and widespread that Hydro One is telling us that our service will return two days hence. Needless to say, I am overjoyed – first because I know that they are underselling.
I liken it to a man with bad acne telling the woman he is emailing that he has a mild case of leprosy. When she finally meets him in person, she will be able to say, “What do you know; it wasn’t as bad as he sold it.”
The second reason I am overjoyed is that this is one of those events that any red-blooded outdoorsman takes as a survival challenge. And, like all outdoorsmen, I love a good survival challenge.
Yes, because of this minor inconvenience, I will be able to finally deter-
mine, once and for all, if I could survive a glamping weekend. For those who have a life, let me explain. Glamping, if I understand it correctly, is a relatively recent term to describe glamorous camping. Basically, it is camping with all the frills, except heat and possibly power.
Large tents or yurts are used. Beds are set up. Food is good. It is the opposite of roughing it. And it is the bane of the rugged outdoorsman.
The thing is, right now my house could easily be likened to a glamping site. We have the comfy bed, the big shelter, a couch, carpet and (at this moment) crappy wi-fi.
Oh, this is great! I finally have a reason to get all my camping cookware and portable stoves out. The only thing that could make it better is if half a dozen raccoons raid our kitchen tonight.
This, of course, was not our plan.
Our initial thought was to buy a generator immediately. But then I looked at the price of generators that did what I needed versus the price of glamping and doing several hundred jumping jacks every hour and determined that we could probably survive another few days without one – although, by day-three things might get tense.
The way I look at it, we can make the most of this by doing campy or even glampy things like roasting handmade marshmallows over the open flame of a candle. And I am also looking forward to bringing out the old sleeping bags and hearing Jenn tell me a ghost story about a guy who was killed by his spouse because he was too cheap to buy a generator.
I can’t exactly call this winter camping, but I can call it winter glamping, which is even better because no outdoorsman in his right mind will ask you further questions about that. By the way, the difference between winter camping and winter glamping is the scented candles – and, I’m guessing, that the ghost in the story probably died due to inadvertently eating something with gluten.
So far, things are going well – and the bugs are not bad at all. Better still, we got a nice campsite that is sheltered from the wind. Sure, it’s a little cold, but that will change after we eat the incredible glamping dinner I make tonight – baked beans and artisanal bread cooked to perfection over my one-burner stove.
Needless to say, this would have been fun.
I say would have, because – wouldn’t you know it – our power just came back on a minute ago, a full two days ahead of the prediction by Hydro One.
Which is good, because I haven’t seen a raccoon around here since October.