Just being out there is a good start

PERHAPS THE MOST DISINGENUOUS thing any angler and hunter says is, “It’s just good to be out here.”

I’m not saying this statement is untrue all the time. If you have caught a huge fish in front of many cameras and credible witnesses, this phrase can definitely be used honestly. Likewise, if you are standing beneath a bright, warming sun and signs of spring are all around. And it certainly would be accurate, if being out there meant not being at an amateur poetry night, a colonoscopy or a lecture on the health benefits of kale. In each of those circumstances, an outdoors person can genuinely use the phrase, “It’s just good to be out here.”

On the other hand, if you are open air ice fishing and it starts to sleet heavily while high vicious winds starts redistributing your gear to various corners of the lake and everyone but you is catching beautiful fish, that phrase starts to ring hollow – especially when screamed as you stamp your feet and shake your fist to the heavens.

True, this is a subtle distinction, but if you watch for it, you’ll soon recognize circumstances when the phrase is used dishonestly.

Of course, this is never what we set out to do. It just happens because being in the outdoors is often like being in a snowball fight with a chimp, in that you’re not really sure what’s going to be thrown at you next.

Those new to the outdoors often rely on this sentence too. And I believe they honestly believe it to be true – God bless their souls – and are shocked when it isn’t. At that point it becomes a mantra, somewhat akin to “There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home.” The belief if you say it often enough, it just might come true.

I know. I’m nitpicking. But I’m doing it for good reason.

You see, in the future I fear we will have an app on our smart phones that will convert text messages to friends from what you say to what you actually mean. And when that time happens, the phrase “It’s just good to be out here,” will no longer fool anyone.

With that in mind, I think we ought to try to use the phrase to serve specific purposes to take control of the message. After all, we already have a credibility issue. So here are a few variants that might come in handy for the duration of this ice fishing season. 1. To the inquisitive fellow: “It was just good to be out here, but then you went and asked me how many fish I caught.” 2. To the unobservant angler: “My boot is jammed in an ice fishing hole. So, it’s only just good to be out here from the right ankle up.” 3. To the fellow in the ice hut: “It’s just good to be out here, but only in the time between getting hit by golf ballsized hailstones.” 4. To the person, pulling out a smart phone: “It’s just good to be out here – so don’t ruin it by showing me photos of your cat or the huge fish you caught yesterday.” 5. To the pet owner out for a stroll on the ice: “It was just good to be out here and then your dog ran off with my fish.” 6. To the person who doesn’t have a middleaged bladder: “It’s just good to be out here – but I walked all the way over to this tree for a reason.” 7. To the stranger who is interfering with your quiet time: “It’s just good to be out here. That hospital for the criminally insane was a bit too confining.”

Use these phrases and you might honestly be able to mumble, “It’s just good to be out here.”