Wading in to the season’s first crisis

I WAS CHECKING OUT the price of a new pair of topquality fishing waders and wading boots this week and came to the conclusion that my first car cost me slightly less. To be fair, my old 1980 Mercury Bobcat leaked like sieve, but even so.

When it comes to choosing a set of waders, two factors need to be considered. The first is durability. Ideally, you want waders that will be able to withstand the relentless forces that will test airtight seals and the toughness of the material. But enough about flatulence – they should not let water in either.

The second factor is fit, and this is a very important too. Before purchasing a new set of waders you need to ask yourself, will your better half take a fit when you reveal the price? If the answer is yes, do the right thing – avoid revealing the price.

This second factor is what prevents me from purchasing a new set of waders this year – primarily because I’ve been putting off building a new shed for two years now and the waders I have in mind would easily cover the price.

That’s OK, because my old waders, though patched and weather-beaten, are still serviceable and have what is commonly called ‘character’ – which is another way of saying that they look like they were attacked by a class of second graders with glue guns.

The nice thing about old waders is that they don’t owe you anything. Mine are now around the age my first car was when I bought it too – and like that car, my fishing buddies are always suggesting they might have an exhaust leak. I have used those old neoprene waders for hundreds of fishing and hunting trips and I figure I can easily get a few more seasons out of them.

I’ll get a better sense of whether that’s true after the first trip of the season. That inaugural trip with an old set of waders is always the most interesting of the year. That’s when you find out if you have leaks and, more importantly, where.

The where part of it is crucial. There are no good leaks, of course. At best they are tolerable, provided the fishing is good. The worst leaks are around your crotch area a) because that water’s frigid and you might one day want to have another child and b) on the way home when you stop at the coffee shop, people look at you funny.

On the plus side, you get served quickly.

The best-case scenario on an early season fishing trip is that your buddy discovers a small leak in his waders that doesn’t stop him from fishing. No, it’s far better if it merely prevents him from accessing the best spots. That way, he can still have fun watching you catch all the fish.

Obviously, the worst-case scenario would be if the situation were reversed.

Here is one last point to consider. Never fish with anyone whose feet are smaller than yours. If you heed this sage advice, you will avoid the awkward moment when your best fishing buddy in the world swallows his pride and asks, “Hey, now that you’ve fished our best spot and caught a few nice fish, would you mind lending me your waders so I can try it too?”

At that point you need to weigh the important things – do you fish for the camaraderie or the fish? Don’t worry, if he’s really your best fishing buddy he’ll understand.