An investigation into the physics of canoes

A LOT OF PEOPLE do not know this, but as a canoe get older, it gets heavier too.

When I first got my 17foot fishing canoe nearly 20 years ago, it weighed a mere 90 pounds. This year it weighs somewhere in the neighbourhood of three tons. I found this out the other day when I singlehandedly deposited it on the roof of my car.

As far as I know, science hasn’t addressed why this strange phenomenon occurs. I suspect it is because not enough data has been collected.

The good news is I have 20 years of data to share.

Here are just some of my extensive field notes regarding my canoe over the years.

1999: My new canoe, which the brochure says is 90 pounds, seems far lighter than that. I had no trouble loading it on the car or portaging it 200 yards this morning. In fact my fishing buddy offered to help and I told him to sit this one out as it would only complicate things.

2000: I like my 90 pound canoe for the most part.

It is stable and nice to fish from. Unfortunately, they seem to be making the roofs of cars a little higher these days. I almost couldn’t get the canoe atop the vehicle.

Bass Opener 2001: You know, I have always felt a little bad about not letting my fishing buddy partake in the loading of the canoe ritual. So this year, I have decided he can have the pleasure of loading it onto the roof of the car all by himself.

2002: I have a new fishing buddy this year. He seems strong and talks a lot about canoeing and how much he enjoys long portages. Lucky for him, I am taking him to a nice backwoods lake where he can portage my 90-pound canoe to his heart’s content.

2003: If I didn’t know better, I would say that I am being shunned by other anglers. Perhaps it has something to do with the lawsuits brought forth by two former fishing buddies for medical expenses due to back-related injuries.

2004: I’m not sure if my canoe is getting heavier or if they are making portages longer.

2005: I measured the portage. It’s the @$! canoe. Perhaps water absorption?

2006: Got stopped by the OPP the other day. Apparently you are not allowed to drag a canoe behind you car on a provincial highway. The officer was going to give me a ticket but he was too exhausted after he helped me get the canoe on top of my vehicle.

2009: I have grown very suspicious of canoe brochures. There’s no way this canoe is 90 pounds. Thank goodness it is easy to drag across portages. Also it’s good that I can still power lift 200 pounds.

2015: My plan to create a ditch to drive my car into so it will be easier to drag a canoe on top has been vetoed by my better half.

2016: Got Jenn to help me load the canoe atop the truck. She is reconsidering the ditch idea.

2018, Canada Day: This morning, while placing the canoe on the top of my vehicle without the help of a front end loader, I believe I set an unofficial power lifting world record. It might be time for a lighter canoe.