Forgiveness frees you from having to bear a grudge
Forgiveness puts the onus on the wronged party to overcome the natural human desire for revenge in the name of “justice,” forgo sympathy and surrender the moral high ground. But forgiveness benefits both offender and offended by breaking out of the bitter circle of hurt and recrimination.
When we forgive, we concede that the other person didn’t mean to hurt us.
When we forgive, we release ourselves from the burden of carrying a grudge and, equally important, we release the offender from the burden of the action. We can both move forward.
Forgiveness takes the spiritual club we could have used on our offender and throws it into the fire so we can never use it.
These aren’t my thoughts. Jesus Christ tells us: “Whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”
He does not say: “Demand an apology and don’t bother forgiving until you get one.”
Now that I’ve brought in Jesus, let us understand that “forgive” is an instruction from God, who regards us all equal. He expects anyone who claims a “moral high ground” to humble themselves so they don’t become proud. A wrong act upsets the balance, forgiveness restores it.
This is not an airy-fairy, view-from-the-press-box theory. I have experienced this, and you might have, too — carrying grudges, replaying incidents, imagining scenarios in which I win. Eventually, I feel as if God says to me: “How much longer do I have to listen to this?”
When I’ve taken the hint and forgiven the other person, there has been a breakthrough, either in the situation at hand or in some other area where it appeared I had hit a roadblock. Ultimately, things have worked out better than one could have imagined, and not just for me. Coincidence? I doubt it.
When you forgive someone, that’s between you and God, unless the other person asks you for forgiveness. If they do, don’t delay. But if you tell them proactively that you forgive them, you’re being self-righteous, telling them how they’ve failed, but you’re big enough to forgive. When Jesus says: “Don’t let your left hand know what your right hand is doing,” He is not just talking about giving offerings.
Then there’s asking for forgiveness, which, I believe, is more powerful than apologizing. Saying “Please forgive me” hands someone a loaded gun, giving them the power to decide whether or not you stay under the burden.
Remember that “good” and “bad” are usually what look good or bad to us at the time. Look back over your life and consider good things that have happened and see how bad things were part of the chain of events that led to them. Forgiveness acknowledges that everything will ultimately turn out for the good.
One of the ultimate bad things was the crucifixion of Jesus Christ, and yet that had to happen, in order for the ultimate good thing to take place. Jesus knew that, even through the torture, mocking and desertion, and forgave the people who did it.
True forgiveness is an inseparable part of reconciliation. When we forgive, the matter is closed. If one party says they forgive and then revisits the offence, one wonders if the forgiveness was genuine. When we forgive, the only remembering is to ensure the offence doesn’t happen again.