Be direct with bad neighbours, author says

CHICAGO — Amanda Wendel realized she had bad neighbours as soon as her son started walking.

When her son took his first steps and toppled over, her downstairs neighbours turned on their music. Loud.

“They said that they’re turning on the music because he’s falling,” said Wendel, a stay-athome mother who lives in the Chicago suburbs.

The neighbours, who rarely leave their home, now blast their music daily, from 8 a.m. until 9 p.m.

Wendel isn’t the only one dealing with neighbour issues. A 2015 Pew Research Center study found that 48 per cent of people trust none or some of their neighbours.

If you’re at odds with neighbours, you’re going to have to face the problem, said Bob Borzotta, author of Neighbors From Hell.

The first step is to approach the neighbour carefully, directly and in person.

“When I say carefully, I mean without seeming angry or demeaning, because this makes people defensive, and it makes you look unreasonable,” Borzotta said. “I say directly, though, because it’s important to address the concern unapologetically; you’ll otherwise seem like a pushover whose desires are not important.”

Borzotta advises against written communications because notes can be misconstrued, shared and even used against you in a harassment case.

If speaking with the neighbours doesn’t help and you live in a condo or a co-op, consider contacting the homeowners association, Borzotta said.

If it’s a noise problem, you could call the police. If it’s an eyesore issue — for example, the neighbour’s yard is littered with junk — call municipal ordinance officials to report possible code violations.

Alternatively, you could take legal action, said Michelle Freudenberger, a real estate attorney in New York, where the most common neighbour complaints are noise and offensive odours. However: “Litigation is expensive and time-consuming,” she said.

Borzotta will sometimes take matters into his own hands by being a bad neighbour, himself.

“I’m not one to get up at 8 on a Sunday and start using the lawn mower and leaf blower, even though I’m allowed to by code,” he said. “But if I have a neighbour who is keeping me up until 2, and I’ve tried everything, then I’m going to do that.”

As a last resort, you can simply move.

That’s what writer Phillip Mlynar did after he realized he was living above an illegal gambling den in Brooklyn, New York.

Every day, cigarette smoke floated through the building, and his landlord refused to deal with the multiple problems.

“After the landlady insisted that it was nothing more than an after-church club taking place in the basement, I just told her to keep the deposit as last month’s rent, and left,” Mlynar said.

Now, Mlynar always takes the time to find buildings where neighbours get along.

“I always advocate taking the time to find a smaller building where being on good terms and being respectful to your neighbours is vital,” he said.