The principal and the massage parlour

So Central Middle School is banning cellphones and iPads, and some parents are upset with the principal. It could be worse. Being the principal of a large school is not the easiest job in the world. The multiple, sometimes conflicting expectations of the board of trustees, parents, teachers, students and community shape the job and the uncertainty of what each day will bring.

Spare a thought for the challenge facing the principal of St. Andrew’s Cathedral School, an independent, Anglican, co-educational, day school in the heart of the city of Sydney, Australia. The school enrols about 1,100 students from kindergarten to Year 12.

St. Andrew’s is, by any standard, an expensive independent school that is proud of its heritage.

Fees range beyond $20,000 (Aus.) and there is also a non-refundable fee just for lodging an application and a further non-refundable fee upon acceptance of that application. Fees for international students are twice that.

“Since 1885,” say the promotional materials, “for more than 130 years we have been Sydney’s quintessential city school, a place as diverse, changing and future-focused as the Central Business District that surrounds us.”

School uniforms are, of course, mandatory.

There is, as we shall see, an irony to that requirement.

Consider the situation facing the principal, John Collier, who arrived at his office one morning recently to be faced with the news that the Star Massage Parlour, which offers services that incorporate erotic-schoolgirl role play had opened for business a mere 60 metres from the entrance of St. Andrew’s.

Already featured in one online advertisement for the parlour is 20-year-old Ada from Thailand, a “petite, size-six, cute little school girl.”

The city of Sydney council immediately confirmed it had already received complaints about the premises, including one alleged incident involving a genuine St. Andrew’s female student who was confronted by a man outside the massage parlour and questioned about what days she worked.

Referring to the matter as “an issue of great social concern,” Collier told Fairfax Media: “We have raised it with police, who said it is not a police jurisdiction, it’s a council jurisdiction. So now we have written to council. I would hope this is at the top of their priority list.”

Star Massage manager Vincent Chan told Fairfax Media that he did not allow sex services at his studio. Not at all.

“I advertise sexy girls to attract male customers in the same way that sexy cars are marketed to gentlemen. It does not mean our girls provide sex,” he said, adding: “I don’t promote it, I don’t allow it. If I am made aware of it, I stop it.”

That sounds more like it, Vincent, more like the kind of strict guidelines one would expect of a school such as St. Andrew’s.

“You there, stop that immediately or you’ll be sent to the principal.”

“Its location is very unfortunate, to say the least,” said Collier, who added that until council was able to act, the school was having to take its own “protective action,” which included senior staff keeping watch over students during break times.

That’s somehow reminiscent of a timeless John Cleese sketch that had the principal (Cleese) perched in a high window with binoculars and a public address microphone — “You there, Smith-Fotheringham minor, I see you, put out that cigarette and step away from …”

Meanwhile, a city of Sydney spokeswoman said: “Public safety is of our highest priority and we want all people to safely access public spaces. Our investigations are ongoing and we are unable to comment further at this stage.”

A New South Wales Police spokesman said the force’s position on the issue was “already well documented” and most recently voiced by the head of the police sex-crimes squad, Detective Superintendent Linda Howlett, who conceded there were no effective mechanisms in place to identify or close a business such as Chan’s.

“The industry should be regulated,” she said helpfully.

All of which will undoubtedly result in some needed revisions to St. Andrew’s promotional material, which features a quote from a former student: “Unlike many other schools, we are not limited by our location, our opportunities are bigger. An excursion starts when we walk out the front doors.”

Maybe Central Middle School’s Internet ban is not such a big thing after all.