CHARLAYNE THORNTON-JOE

When I was asked to share my #MeToo experience, I didn’t think it would be difficult. I shared the #MeToo comment on my social media and was both surprised and not surprised about how many of my female and male friends, relatives and acquaintances also added their #MeToo. But it quickly became less easy than I had anticipated.

First was deciding what experience to share. My husband knew about some of the incidents, but was totally unaware of others. He was shocked.

I then wondered whether I should write this at all. As a public figure, people might look at me differently. What would my family think? Would they be embarrassed? Had I done something wrong that could have provoked these incidents? It was after asking myself all those questions that I realized I had to send this and that I should not victimize myself with my own self-doubt. So here it goes. Which story should I tell? Is it about the two Grade 4 boys who jumped on top of me and one said to his friend “Rape her?” The one on top stared and didn’t know what to do, so with all my might I pushed him off and ran home.

Is it the teacher who put his hand on my knee and said that we could discuss how my grade could be improved? I said no: “I can handle my grade as it was” and left the classroom.

Is it at my first job at a restaurant when a customer thought it was OK to put his hand up my skirt, or when the chef at another job cornered me in the walk-in fridge and reached for an item above my head and pressed his body against mine, prompting me to leave the fridge immediately.

Or was it the man who said a young Chinese woman with long hair could make a lot of money in the sex trade and wanted to discuss how it would work and what percentage I would get for my services.

I said “no,” then proceeded to cut my hair short so that I would never again be sexualized because of my long black Chinese hair.

As women and men, we need to stand together, to not be ashamed and to speak out. And we need to be reminded that there are men in our lives who have also experienced sexual harassment and that there are men in our lives who do not condone nor have ever harassed women. Charlayne Thornton-Joe is a Victoria city councillor