Men: take responsibility for your misogyny
Aman was sentenced in Quesnel court last week to 11 years in prison for sexually assaulting five young girls — four of them his nieces.
The girls were between the ages of four and seven. He molested one niece when she was five over a 10-month period while living with his sister and her husband in Prince George in 2012.
The man, who cannot be named to protect the identity of his victims, argued at trial that these acts were consensual.
He also tried to explain his behaviour by saying he was trying to “pedophile-proof” the girls by teaching them about inappropriate touching so they could avoid becoming victims of sexual predators.
Sadly, this is the same “blame the victim because it’s not my fault” rationale constantly given by weak men of all stripes, from pedophiles, rapists and wife-beaters to creepy bosses and colleagues who can’t keep their hands and their comments to themselves. The distance between a workplace creep, a Trump moving on a married woman like a bitch to grab her genitals and a serial rapist is simply a matter of degrees.
Sexual harassment can’t be separated from violent assaults against women. Not only do they co-exist on both a legal and ethical continuum, they stem from the same desire for power and control over females in every way — sexually, physically and emotionally. Worse, this desire is rooted in an insidious male entitlement that continues to run through society, a “boys will be boys” mentality that rewards aggression toward girls and women.
The unwanted talk and touching is explained away as casual expressions of humour, confidence, strength, virility or cockiness. And when it goes too far and those excuses don’t wash, “she asked for it” is both a handy fallback and a boost to the male ego at the same time.
Even well-meaning modern men (including this one) routinely abuse their male privilege without second thought, instigating hugs that force women either to return these unwanted invasions of their physical space or refuse and be seen as rude.
Prime Minister Justin Trudeau publicly refers to himself as a feminist, a ridiculous statement because his gender prevents him from direct knowledge of the female experience. He — and all men — should agree with many feminist principles, but he is no more a feminist than he is a man of colour.
Despite what some men think, there is no double standard here. A man having female admirers is simply a bonus to his masculine self, which remains fully intact.
Men making public comments about a woman’s appearance are framing her female identity in masculine terms.
The obvious power imbalance is clear to most women and confusing to most men.
The male gaze forces female identity into stereotypes of sweet and innocent girl, sexy woman and kind mother. All three roles are designed to defer to male authority.
Men not only freely judge women, rewarding them for sticking to the stereotypes and punishing them for operating outside of the boundaries, they reserve the right to change the rules at any moment to serve their interests. The sexy woman is either Helen of Troy or the Whore of Babylon, depending on the man and his mood.
The kind mother either is an unwavering source of support for her father, her husband and her sons or emasculates them for her own selfish interests. The lecherous man transforms the sweet and innocent girl in his own mind and then implores a judge to legitimize his fantasy.
Frighteningly, some judges fall for it because accepting the validity of the male gaze, even when perverted to sexualize pre-adolescent girls, is easier than recognizing femininity as a state of being, independent of the masculine view.
Some men play the victim card here, claiming that they are also trapped by the unfair expectations of a patriarchal culture, even while simultaneously reaping the benefits of their gender every day of their lives.
From there, it is a hop, skip and a jump to sexual predators insisting that it was the little girls who made them do it.
Until more men are willing to both understand and take responsibility for their misogyny and then demand that other boys and men do so as well, the crimes against our daughters, our sisters and our mothers will continue unabated.